Motherhood..........

isn't really all it's cracked up to be. Yeah it's great but there are some NOT so great parts. Here is MY take. Just warning ya I am keeping it real and graphic. I tell all my friends w/out children the TRUTH. I do not sugar coat it and tell them to have kids like other ppl. I tell them the truth and how hard it is and to cherish their "single" years and take lots and lots of vacations and date nights w/ their spouses cuz once they kids come all that "fun" stuff magically disappears :)

Things people do NOT tell you about having a Baby:

They tell you and you will hear about how HARD nursing is. Sure. You get it, you will have troubles in the beginning and you'll be tired and it will suck but to stick w/ it all it will get better. All of this is true. But does anybody tell you that when your kid is 5-7 months old they will become so aware of the world you will have to sit in a pitch black dark room nursing w/ no noise, no lights, no tv nothing. Can you say B O R E D while you kid takes 20 minutes on EACH side to nurse yet still be hungry and have to do it all over again in 90 minutes? Yeah nobody tells you that.

Or about all the WEIRD post pardum things. Like stretch marks on your B**bs, yeah SO attractive. Or hemorrhoids for 6 months people (yea 6 whole months), or the Sasquatch hair that will suddenly start growing out of your forehead. Not your head people like the friggin middle of your forehead causing you to look retarded if you put your hair up in a ponytail.

Nobody tells you that your kid will become to attached to you from nursing once an hour and being w/ only you 24/7 that they will hate any other person to hold them. While this is annoying, secretly (or not so secretly) it will make your heart jump w/ joy that they stop crying the second you hold them cuz they love you and only you :)

Nobody tells you it is "normal" for your kid to stick all their fingers in their mouth WHILE eating their cereal, which is hilarious and annoying at the same time. Causing a HUGE mess for you to clean up 2X a day.

That when you attempt to descpline your 8 month old and they laugh at you, you know your in BIG trouble

That nobody makes sleeper/footy pajama's after 9 months??? Excuse me?? I want my 12 mo old to have their feet covered please! Whateva

That carrying a baby/infant in their carseat in the winter with 492097 blankets on them, a hat, binkie, and snowsuit feels like your carrying 75 lbs worth of Baby. Holy arm hurting moly

How incredibly bad "food" poop stanks. OHMYGORD my house will never be the same people

That you will let your child play with a pen/calculator/humidifier/phone of any kid just so you can spend .3 seconds checking your email once a day

One word: Masticates. Praise God I do not have this but my "boss" girl has it and is clearly going t0 die from it. Oh I am praying and praying I do not ever have to experience this. Looks and sounds HORRID.

That you want to show off your Baby and tell stupid stories about how yesterday she said "oijugkoshrubheth" and it was thee cutest thing EVER to everybody including the guy at the tire store. They do NOT care but listen and smile and think your crazy. But you MUST tell them all about how great your Baby is.

That you are lucky if you get to shower 4 out of 7 days. And don't get me started on shaving your legs........can anybody say um October??? Yeah you do the math.......

My Peanut

Oh dear it's been to long I'm going to jot down some stuff that has been on my mind bare w/ me. I have no time to pee anymore let alone blog so this will be all over the place!


*my daughter hates life. Ha. Seriously. This girl is HIGH maintenance. I really think God is testing me and teaching me patience. It is working. Seriously. I have been so much better the last couple weeks at not getting angry and just dealing w/ the screaming and the situation calmly.


*me and my dear old friend Reglan meet again. You may remember I was on this for my nausea during pregnancy. Apparently it helps w/ milk supply as well. I'm not very happy about it. But I tried everything. Herbs, malt, drinking more water, nothing would get my supply up. So now I am pumping every 3-4 hours at night (so long 10 hours of sleep!) and after every feeding :( I am not a very happy girl


*in addition to pumping at night I am also waking up to a screaming baby 4-6 times a night. She looses her bink and fahreaks out. She screams until it's put back in and then promptly conks back out again. Odd. She is swaddled still, so does she hate being swaddled? Just want her bink? want to be comforted? Hot? Cold? Hungry? WHAT?!! Oh my I am going crazy. What happened to my awesome sleeping Baby?


*and again in addition too not sleeping at night this girl BARELY sleeps during the day. I'm lucky if I get 3 40 minute naps out of her. Makes for LONG hard evenings of crying until it's bedtime routine. Oh my it sucks.


*We do have an AWESOME bedtime routine though which I am quite proud of I must say. And honestly no matter what else we have going on we always make sure we're home by 7:30ish so we are strict on this routine. This little girl thrives on it and has it down pat.
8ish-Cereal
8:15-8:40-Bath
8:50ish-6 oz bottle
9:30ish-asleep in my arms and then in the crib!


*Oh my gosh how I am in love w/ this little girl! she drives me mad and I wish so badly I could read her mind and make her happy but I love her more then life itself! Her smiles and laughs make the whole night before fall away!


*She is a Momma's girl. If I walk out of the room she is screaming for me. Makes me feel good but wish she could be left w/ Grandma/Daddy/Aunts w/out screaming the whole time. It's hard on everybody. But secretly makes me feel great. I love that she will be crying and sees me and breaks into a huge grin and grabs my face. LOVE it


*all my years of baby-sitting/nannying I loved when Babies would hold out their arms for you. Makes you feel so loved! I always knew it would be better when it's your OWN child doing it, and Oh. My. Gosh. is it. First time Hay held out her arms for me to pick her up I think I cried. Seriously!


*this little tiny peanut of a child has some lungs on her. And a major tude. She runs this house and knows it. If you aren't giving her 110% of the attention she thinks she needs she lets out a scream like no other. Seriously this child could do voice overs for horror movies. It's embarrassing when in public and makes me want to jab out my eardrums. Not sure if I should discipline, distract, ignore?!?!? None work as I have tried them all. I digress.........


*even though Hay is a HUGE fan of Mommy she loves her some Daddy to. They are so sweet and cute playing together and I can see how much love Steve has for her already. I always said he will be an amazing Daddy to a big kid and won't really care to much for the newborn stage but it's hard not to love this little munchkin. They are really so sweet together and I know it will only get better and stronger as she gets older and can do more.


*can NOT believe tomorrow she will be 1/2 a year old. Where oh where does time go?!?!? :( I'm sad!


OK that is all I can think of now for jotting down. But I want to use this as a journal and write things down before I forget them but of course I have forgotten most of them! HA. Hopefully I'll get better..........

Happiest Birth........

To my Brother Andy. He is way to tall, and will always be 9 to me, but alias he is 24 now and is funny and awesome to hang out with and loves his niece to death. I know Hay will literally LOOK up to her Uncle Andy her whole life and I can't wait until she is older and can interact and play with him. I know they will be best buds!

So Happy Birthday Andy we love you!

Oh Dear

So my life is not all about the blogs anymore. Long gone are the B O R I N G days where the only highlight was sitting there reading the over 100 blogs I had in my reader at work. I still work mind you, but the pay sucks and I NEVER have time to read blogs let alone write any! I have had a trillion things formulated in my head to write about over the last 11 weeks but I never seem to get time to write them down. :( Everytime I sit at the computer in the back of my head is "I need to be vacuuming the house" or "empty the dishwasher/washing machine/dryer" etc. You Mom's all know! But I still miss this creative side of myself! Anywho here are some bullet points of things I want and need to remember over the last 11 weeks;

• The very first second of Peanut's life Dr Reed placed her on my belly and she peed. Hello world I am peeing! Should have known right at that second what I was in for..........
  
• She FINALLY started smiling at us. Albeit about 3 weeks after "normal Babies" (according to Babycenter.com). O M G I freaking love her so much more then I ever imagined. She is so freaking gorgeous! She mainly just smiles if I don't look at her and then all the sudden with a huge stupid Mom grin on my face I say "HI Peanut" and almost scream it at her. This is why I refuse to video tape it. I sound like a tard. But it's hilarious seeing her open her mouth all big like she wants to laugh but can't get out a sound. Oh it's the little things in life!
  
• My Baby LOVES to clean the house. I put her in my Moby wrap sling thing and she falls right to sleep and stays asleep as long as I am cleaning/putting away/vacuuming. It's glorious. Until she feels like she weighs 50 lbs and I am aching. Oh well.
  
• She also loves when I take a bath. Mostly. Sometimes she screams, and other (most) times she falls asleep. We had a HUGE water bill last month. I'm pretty sure mainly due to me running the water for oh 25-30 minutes straight. I just put her in her vibrating bouncy seat and she falls right asleep in front of the tub with the water running. It's pretty funny but I'm sure it reminds her of the womb. I wonder how long I can get this to work?? Do they make vibrating bouncy seats for 4 year olds?? haha
  

OK seriously now all my points I wanted to make that were in my head have vanished. That is usually how it is. When I am awake at 5:30am during a feeding I think of all these great things I need to blog so I can remember them and then when I DO get 5 minutes to myself to blog them they all disappear making me feel like a total loser for forgetting. Oh well it's called Mom brain right?? It's like pregnant brain permanently. Ha.
But honestly life is awesome. I need to find part time work but Peanut is sooooo demanding 24-7 I don't know when that will be. Honestly I can't even leave her for 45 minutes to go to walmart for groceries without Steve calling me telling me she is screaming bloody murder and to hurry home. (also noted that walmart is less then 3 minutes away from our house. What will happen when/if I am like 20 minutes away at work and can't just up and leave?) We are struggling with this. We need some extra income but it's so hard.
Peanut is getting better with the crying. She only cries when she is hungry (and she wants her food NOW if you make her wait then you will have to deal with her sounding like your cutting of her limbs one by one) and when she is tried. She can get really wound up when she is tired and I am currently the only one that can hold her correctly and get her to sleep. It makes me tired to. But she sleeps about 8 hours at night, from 10-6 and then goes back to sleep from about 7:30-10am so I can NOT complain. I love my lil Girl! OK I think that is all for now hopefully I won't go another 2 months without writing I really do miss it and feel like such a bad bloggy friend for no comments or posts :( Sorry you get your love on facebook!

Blessed

Blessed- I am truly thankful for all the blessings.

My wonderful wife: I can't imagine life without her. She fills my heart with her love. She makes me laugh, and takes care of me. She is a wonderful mother, so patient and giving.

My little girl: A healthy little girl that is so cute and precious. We daydream about all the "things she will do."

Family: I have family that is so loving. They are supportive and helpful.

Career: I am in a position with opportunity, while many are without any job.

These are just a few things I am so grateful for.

To my lil Peanut

Hailey,

I can not believe you are going to be 6 weeks old. You are growing up way to fast. It's funny time is flying by and your getting so big, but time sure didn't go this quickly when Mommy was pregnant! You are my sweetie and I think I tell you I love you 897357983873 times a day. I really want/need you to know how much Mommy and Daddy love you and how special and precious you are to us. You were wanted so much and I cry when I think about all I went through to get you here.
You cry a LOT. Your not a very happy Baby :( This made Mommy cry a lot in the beginning, but now I just have to learn what is it you like and what you need. We went to Grandpa and Grandma Sessions house for the first time the other night and you cried the entire time somebody else was holding you but the second Mommy held you, you would quiet down right away and even fell asleep for over an hour! I feel horrible that you cry, I want you to love your Grandparents , Aunts and Uncles and especially your Daddy but secretly it makes Mommy's heart soar that you love me and need me so much! I asked Daddy if it was bad that you only like me and what I should do about it and he said it's fine b/c I went through a LOT to get you here so I need to love you and spend lots of time with you. Yay! :) This made me very happy I had never thought about it like that before.
Grandma S wants to babysit and thinks Mommy and Daddy need to have a night out and I do NOT agree. I can not imagine being away from you for one minute. I think I would call 400 times to check up on you and I would miss you so much. I know eventually I will want to go out alone and on dates again but right now your to little and you need your Mommy. (especially Mommy's woobies. Honestly I don't think you like your actual Mom very much just your food supply. This provides Mom and Dad hours of jokes about how much you only love your food supply)
Your an amazing eater and Mommy can see how much your growing. We weighed you yesterday at Grandpa and Grandma Cramers and we think your over 8 lbs already! That is 2 lbs in 4 weeks! I'm pretty sure you would nurse every hour if I let you, you LOVE to eat and suck. Mommy broke down and bought you a paci (lulu) when you were only 2 weeks old and you love it sometimes and hate it others. I honestly like when you hate it, I don't want you to get attached and I want you to still be a good eater and to not get confused.
I think you are the most gorgeous girl in the whole world and I love all the amazing faces you make and how you are always moving your arms/hands. We think your amazing and brilliant already and I could just watch you for hours.
Your laying on Mommy (your favorite spot) in our moby wrap trying to calm down and sleep listening to our songs on the computer. You seem to like music and Mommy's HORRID singing voice, sometimes it doesn't matter but other times it's calms you down and you are quiet if you've been crying. You especially love the song "Always" by Building 429 which is good cuz I love that song to!

I love you more then words can ever say Bean and I thank God every single night that your here and your safe and healthy. I hope you grow up to be a beautiful woman of God and no matter what Mommy will be proud of you and love you so much!!!!

Mommy

Labor and Delivery part III

OK so my lil Princess is asleep (on her tummy cuz I am the worlds WORST Mother that loves her own sleep and peace and quiet and this is the only way I can get my child to sleep more then an hour at a time. Sue me, and yes I will lie to our pedi about this at our next visit in a couple weeks. HA), so I'll try to continue our story. I apologize if these are totally un readable and horrible b/c I don't have time to write them much less proof read them like I used to! Ya'll are lucky I am spell checking. Ha ha.
OK so we got a new room, which was lovely and had a window, we had TONS of visitors that day. My Mom and brother, my Dad and brother again, my bff Meriam and her cousin who was visiting from Cali, Steve's parents, Steve's brother his wife and 4 kids, and my sis and her hubby! Lots of stimulation! So at 2am after our feeding Bean screamed bloody murder until 4:30am. I cried to a LOT. I tried feeding again, rocking chair, changing her diaper, changing her clothes, in her bassinet thing, a butt load of different positions on me, everything! I finally called the nurse and God bless her she came in and helped me. She made me get Bean naked and hold her on my chest as tight as I could so that she was still breathing. Worked like a friggin charm and we slept for 2 1/2 hours like that. My arms killed and I was totally uncomfortable but I was so happy.
Steve called me in the morning to tell me that he was flat on his back in the living room and COULD. NOT. MOVE. At all. It's a totally LONG story but weeks before I delivered his back was hurting really really bad. It's an even LONGER story how he hurt it. Basically he slipped a disk or SOMETHING bad in high school and it never healed properly. So now it was rearing it's ugly head again, a mere 13 years later. When I give birth. Oh joy. So I told him not to worry about us and just get better and come see us later. He would be able to move after going to the chiropractor or something right?? So he found a chiro that was in our directory of insurance and made an apt for that afternoon. He went and got x-rays and then went back later in the afternoon to review them and get "cracked". This was HUGE. Bigger then we ever could have through. He had a slipped disk and 3 smushed vertebrae. Or something along those lines, honestly I can't remember exactly but it was bad. Also (pardon my non Dr descriptions here), a normal person's spinal cord is curved a lil at the top of your back and then goes straight all the way down. (I think?) His was completely opposite. This was causing his legs to be 3 inches different in size. Holy cow. This was major. I did not get to see my husband for the next 2 days. I almost died. It was horrible. He missed out on SO much bonding time w/ Hailey and I was an emotional wreck. I had my family and his parents come visit me everyday but it was still bad. I was a mess. His Mom ended up having to bring us home from the hospital, and as much as I love her to death and am so eternally grateful for all they did for us I still can't help but feel jipped. It's supposed to be a huge couple/family/loving moment for husband and wife to bring home their first Baby. I came home to a pit hole of a house and a husband laying flat on his back unable to even walk to the bathroom for the next 2 1/2 weeks. :( It was so bad! I literally had to wait on him hand and foot PLUS take care of a newborn PLUS run the house and try to take care of myself! Luckily (PTL) his Dad came everyday to take him to the chiro and a couple times swimming at the YMCA for therapy. Slowly he got better but honestly I think it was one of the hardest times in my life. I don't know how I survived. I won't lie and say I wasn't depressed and I cried A LOT but we got through and omg to see that boy walking upright w/out holding onto the arms of the computer chair (cuz it's on wheels so it was his "walker") was amazing. Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself and curing God I realized what a blessing all the timing was. If Bean hadn't come 2 weeks early and had come on her due date Steve would have had to work instead of be home w/ me those first 2 weeks. And if he had hurt his back 2 weeks before she was born then he would have been out of work for 4 weeks or could have possibly lost his job. How amazing is God's timing? I am still praising him for this. And honestly as bad as it sounds this was all a big blessing in disguise. His back is healing and hopefully if he keeps up w/ it it won't bother him ever again and we will be able to lead somewhat more normal lives w/out worrying "Oh is this going to hurt his back/knees/legs?" YAY! I also learned a lot about myself, I leaned on God SO much for strength and guidance, as well as others. I do NOT ask for help I am a do-it-all-myself kind of person and having to ask people to go grocery shopping for me, and cook us dinner, and do my laundry was especially hard! I am also stronger then I thought. Not to toot my own horn but it was HARD and I am strong and I can handle a lot and not break down! YAY! So now that Daddy is all better and healing and back at work me and Bean take it easy during the day. I try to take naps but honestly we just sleep in WAY late and then lay on the couch most of the day :) It's great!
She is not the easiest Baby. I prayed for MONTHS before she was born for God to give me a happy peaceful Baby that didn't cry and was a good sleeper/eater. He did not give me this at all. I guess he is testing me, and I hope I am passing because I sure am taking to him a LOT and asking him for help and strength. She cries a lot. She is very unhappy in this world. I don't believe in colic but if I did I would say she has it. I think she is just scared and cold and doesn't like it here. She gets over stimulated by all the light and the tv and people's voices it scares her and her brain has a hard time turning off at night. She is getting amazingly better as she gets older and we are limiting outings and visitors which is HARD as heck for this on-the-go-social-as-a-butterfly-girl but we're making it and it's worth it to not have 4 1/2 hour crying fits. Yes one lasted from 6-11:30pm one night. And I was at walmart for an hour of it and came home to a crazy upset Hubby. Poor guy! So we haven't had one of those in almost 2 weeks, she mainly just cries if I wait to long to feed her (oops), or if she is overly tired. I think the longest in the last 2 weeks she has cried is an hour and half. Which is bad but nothing compared to what it was. I am also getting to know her so well and know what she likes and doesn't like, and while it changes daily we're doing better. :)
So I think that pretty much catches you up! Oh her hip didn't form properly. It's hard to explain google "Hip dysphasia" if you want to know more. It's VERY common with first babies and especially girls for some reason, but it still upset me. Basically the ball and socket didn't join together properly in her first couple of weeks so she has to wear a special brace that pulls her legs up and out to the side and basically shoves the ball into the socket where it will then close up properly. If we didn't do this brace she would need surgery and would be in pain her whole life. So we had numerous dr visits, ultrasound, and now this UGLY brace. I cried 3 times the first day she got it, it looks like a body cast but we are used to it now and it doesn't bother her at all and I know it's not hurting her and is for the good in the end. :)
Oh before I forget she was also quite jaundice so if you see pictures of her in her first week she was totally yellow and had bad coloring :( I was a freaking psycho about this. I lost sleep, cried, and almost made myself sick over it. I don't know why, first time Mother thing I guess. I just wanted a perfect Baby, and I thought she was really sick and was so worried about her! I fed her honestly about every hour and a half and sat in the sun for about 2 hours a day. It was bad. But I got her better and she gained almost a pound in a week! :) YAY!
Alright I am out of here. I am almost all caught up on blogs (went from over 500 to 300 b/c I deleted over half the ones I was following on reader. Whoa! Things to do while I was at work :) Ha. Now I am down to 80 so I'm sure I will get through them tomorrow) so I should be back to blogging and commenting more. I love your comments so keep them coming! YAY! Love you all. Pictures coming soon............

Labor and Delivery part Duece.....

So I have a million things I SHOULD and COULD be doing but Bean is asleep on me in the sling so I'll try to continue........
So we got to our room which was HUGE and gorgeous and I started having contractions every 3 minutes and my blood pressure went down to 111/77 the lowest it's been in probably 3 months. Ha. Totally weird, once my body knew she was coming in the next 24 hours I started labor on my own and my b/p went down. God is good!
So my contractions we're sporadic, 3-6 minutes apart then sometimes even 20 minutes apart, they were painful but again nothing I couldn't handle. Then they stopped completely. I was fine w/ that but apparently you need them to have a Baby? Ha. So I had to walk. So Steve took a nap and I had to walk the tiny L/D floor for 45 minutes. Do you know how stupid I felt walking the same path every 3 seconds?? People in their rooms were looking at me like I was crazy cuz I must have walked by them 468 times. The floor was seriously way to small for all that walking! lol. Oh PLUS my big pet peeve, I left work in such a hurry and freaking out that I LEFT my iPod. OMG I was seriously dying. I tried and tired to talk Steve into going to my desk and getting it but he swore if he left Hailey would come shooting out of me. Whateva I needed my music! Ha. It would have made walking MUCH nicer. Anywho sorry I'm done now. So I walked and had some contractions but nothing like you see on TV where the women have to lean on the wall and stuff, nope I was just walking like normal. I even lapped a girl who was walking to recover from a c-section. Ha. So I got back in bed and they checked me and I was STILL at 2cm. This was like 5 hours after they first checked me. I was NOT happy. So they called Dr Reed and he said I could walk and try to labor myself for another 2 hours and if I didn't progress he was putting me on pitocin. I did NOT want anything dripping into my system. I was mad enough about a regular IV and the fact that I had that stupid Strep B crap going in me. The IV honestly was probably worse then any contraction I had. It was in my wrist and it killed! I was pissed. Ha. So I didn't get any stronger contractions and by 5pm I was only dilated to 3cm. So they started pitocin. They started it off at 2 which I don't know what that means except he higher the number the more medicine is going into your IV which means worse/stronger contractions. It sucked. The nurse said I wouldn't feel the effects of the Pit for at least an hour or 2. Ha. 15 minutes later my stomach is burning every 3 minutes and my contractions are off the monitor. It sucked. And every 30 minutes she turned up the pump by increments of 2. By the time Lori's shift was over at 7, and my night (and delivery nurse) Maria came my pit was at like 8. God Bless Maria I cussed at her everytime she turned the Pit up. It was finally at 14 I think when I delivered. The last 3 hours of contractions were horrible. It felt like somebody was building a mountain on my belly, the pressure on my belly was INSANE. I do not know how to describe it, but I'm assuming everybody reading this has had a child before and knows the pain I am talking about. I absolutely refused an epidural, no way no how was somebody sticking needles in my back making me numb. Gross I would die. My only other choice was something w/ a C that would "take the edge off between the contractions" um I was Ms Personality between contractions, talking and laughing and joking but when I HAD a contraction I wanted to die. And it didn't help at all DURING them?? Then no thank you. I think I asked 293018 times if it would help DURING and they said no. Plus one dose of it lasted like an hour, and the first would work well, but after that they stop working as well. So what is the flippin point? I could be here all night!!!
So my parents and brother came and stared at me while I was dying in pain. LOL. Then my BFF Nikki came and she helped a lot. She distracted me and rubbed my back. She helped me get on the birthing ball which was AMAZING, but lil Peanut didn't care for the ball and her heart rate was going WAY down when I was on it, so back in bed on my back it was :( Finally at like 9:30-10pm I started feeling super duper naouchus and like I had to have a major poop. Some other random nurse came in w/ Maria and told me I needed to start pushing. When Maria checked me at 9pm I was 7cm, she checked me again at 10 and I was full 10cm and her head was way down so I was ready to push. They called Dr Reed and he was on his way and told them to have me start pushing and see how I was doing. So they get all their junk set up and my bed torn apart and my feet up in stirrups and tell me to push. I had NO flippin idea what I was doing but it hurt. Like hell. I was using handles to hold onto to help but I was still just pushing in my face. Dr Reed got there with in 10 minutes (praise the Lord I was deathly afraid I would have to "hold" the child in until he came, uh yeah NOT me), and killed me even MORE with his "message" junk he was doing. Holy cow that hurt worse then any contraction on Pit I had been having! That was horrible. So I'm pushing and pushing and pushing, they keep moving my legs, and telling me different things to focus on during my pushing, and how to use the handles properly but nothing. Everytime I would have a good push her lil head would start to come down and then after the contraction would just shoot way back up. It was so frustrating. I felt like I was failing majorly. I couldn't push hard enough to keep her head down and just get it out. I was SO deadly tired. It was horrible. I hadn't eaten since 6:30 am (why oh WHY didn't I have some Pringles before I left work?? Or a rice krispy treat or something???), and it was now 11:30pm, this was also the time that the Heartburn kicked in. Yes my lil friend that had been MIA due to some amazing meds Dr Reed gave me was back in full force. I am guessing because my uterous was pushing so hard up on my stomach it was making me have horrid acid reflux. In between every contraction/push I would vomit acid and burp. Of course Steve thought nothing of it since he has seen me in this state 67865243 times before, but Nikki, Maria and Dr Reed were freaking out. They were making fun of my burps an Dr Reed was really worried about me. I NEEDED my meds! Oddly enough as soon as she came out bam the heartburn was gone and I have not had it since!
After over an hour of pushing and even using a mirror so I could see her head coming down, they starting talking about forceps. OMG I freaked. I have heard such horror stories about those bruising the head, and puncturing through the skull and holy cow I lost it. Dr Reed even opened a pack and HAD the forceps in his hand I just started pushing like the dickens. Steve was counting and Nikki was screaming in my face to bare down and push. I was finally able to see her head actually coming out and I was screaming for the life of me for Dr Reed to get her out. I think I was able to push 2 more times and he finally kinda reached up in me and grab her out.
Without explaining TO much basically my tail bone is 2-3 inches longer then normal people's and it's curved in towards my body, so Hailey's head was basically stuck on my tail bone and that is why it wasn't coming down. Holy moly was my tailbone bruised. It hurt to sit, lay, get up, walk, for about 5 days. It was horrible. But I know I am lucky and have friends that have broken their tailbone in labor so at least mine was only bruised and got better quickly.
Also poor little Peanut had the cord around her neck :( Oddly enough this was something I had been praying about for weeks previously. I was so worried about cord stuff it wasn't even funny. Dr Reed said it wasn't tight and she wasn't in any danger but it was big and bulky around her head, thus making it harder to come out. Basically Dr Reed pulled (and ugh pushed from the other end) her head out, completely turned her lil body around inside of me to get the cord off and pulled the rest of her out because I was so completely exhausted I had nothing left inside of me.
So she was finally born at 12:33am on 4-16. I was technically in labor for 18 hours but I really only say it was 7, which was when they started the pitocin. I could have done the other 11 hours myself just fine I was in barely any pain, but that Pit junk was hell!
So she came out with a horrible bruised cone head, screaming and crying her lungs out. They put her on my chest and honestly I was so tired I had no emotion. I kept asking if she was OK and saying she was gorgeous, Steve was next to me crying and an emotional mess but I was in so much pain I couldn't compute what had just happened. They took Hailey and cleaned her and all the nurses just commented on how gorgeous she was.
Meanwhile Dr Reed got to stitch me up which was fantastic because I wasn't completely numb from the novocaine so I could FEEL them, then them pushing on my belly to shrink the uterus was AMAZING to. Holy cow. I just sat there and cried in pain. All I wanted was to hold and feed my Baby and here I was in even MORE pain then any contraction! Oy it was horrible! So finally they were done with me, Hailey got a 8 on all her tests, they took off 1 point for her skin color (which we learned later she was way jaundice), but other wise she was perfect and tiny! She was only 6lbs 6oz which was TINY compared to what I was thinking she would be, but she was also 2 weeks early!
I sent Nikki home, Steve to get me some food from the cafeteria, and sent a text to some of my girlfriends. Finally I sent Steve home to bed at like 4 am to sleep, we were both so dead. I don't remember that first night at all, except that I LOVED Maria and my Baby was gorgeous and amazing and I never wanted to put her down!


Still to come:
My husband breaks his back, and screaming for 3 hours in the middle of the night at the hospital

Labor and Delivery.......

So not sure if this will be in parts or if I'll be able to get it all down in one post. Peanut is asleep but I can hear her moving on the monitor and Lord knows as soon as I try to get something done she is awake and wants to eat! So bear with me..........

**this will be graphic and loads of TMI so fare warning for all you men or non-mother's out there. I won't hold back details. This is for me to remember especially when I say I want another child I will come and read this and remember! HA**


Let's see I guess I'll start at the weekend before she was born. We went to my parents Saturday night to celebrate Easter. I started having contractions during dinner. They sucked and hurt but honestly I've had worse PMS cramps before. They were over after a couple hours and I didn't have anymore all day Sunday. (which I was upset about because even though I was early I was miserable and READY for this Baby to come out of me) I had some strong ones Monday at work, and when I went to my Dr for my weekly check up he said I was only 2 cm dilated and he was going to make me wait another 2 weeks before he would "kick start" anything for me :( So I went home fat, swollen, and miserable. We put together the changing table that night and I started bleeding. My Dr said I would but it still freaked me out. I barely got any sleep those last couple nights I was so huge and uncomfortable and Bean would get the hiccups almost every night I swear it was so annoying!!! So Tuesday came and went (don't remember anything) and Tuesday night I slept amazing. I got over 9 hours of straight sleep. I didn't wake up once even to pee. I swear God knew I needed my rest. I woke up slightly less swollen then usual, no headache, feeling amazing. I was walking to the bathroom to take a shower and felt something leak out of me. Now I'm not stupid I knew I didn't pee myself. It felt just like normal "discharge" and kinda freaked that maybe my water broke but honestly I wasn't even 38 wks yet and just KNEW this baby would be late not 2 weeks early. So I get in the shower and I feel more "stuff" leaking out of me. Whatever. So I go and make myself a bowl of oatmeal and when I sat down I felt a pretty big gush of whatever fluid was coming out of me. So I run to the bathroom, and come out and tell Steve. Of course his answer was not to go to work and just sit and wait for the Dr office to open and then call them. Well, I felt amazing I wasn't going to go to work all those days I felt so crappy and could barely make it through and then stay home the 1 day I feel great! So I went to work and nothing came out of me for the next hour and a half. When Dr Reed's office opened at 8:30 I called and talked to Katie. She said my water broke and to get my bag and go to the hospital. I FREAKED. You should have seen my manager’s face when I told her I was in labor. lol. It was hilarious she was so freaked out! I was shaking and could barely walk to my car. I had already called Steve and told him to meet me there. Now here is the weird part. He had a meeting at one of the First National Warehouses at 9 so he was still home and able to get my bag and everything all together and meet me at the hospital. Verses coming from work and being totally un-prepared. It seriously was a blessing, God's timing is so awesome!
So I called my Mom and 2 of my best friends and told them what was up and that I would let them know when it was confirmed weither or not it was labor. There was still a big chance I would get sent home. So I get to the hospital (after driving the wrong way for awhile I was so freaked out lol), and was told there are no rooms available and they are all booked. OK seriously?? I was so worried I was going to have to go to a different hospital or something weird. So I sat in a chair in the waiting room area and leaked more fluid. Haha.
So they put me in one of the prep/recovery rooms in the OR for c-sections. So it was like a 8X8 square with only curtains. So private and lovely! But at least I didn't get sent home or to another hospital right?? So finally Steve arrives and they put me on monitors and the Baby was great but I was not having any contractions and my blood pressure was still elevated. They decided to test my fluid and see if I was just having discharge (which the nurse said was most likely that my body was just cleaning out and getting ready for birth. She said this happens in the last 2-3 weeks of pregnancy. NOT what I wanted to hear), or if it was amniotic fluid. So she tested me and we waited the longest 30 minutes of my life. We prayed, and joked, Steve went and got food (which I was NOT happy about since they wouldn't let me eat until we knew what was going on), and I cried thinking that I was gonna have to go back to work! Well, Lori (the head nurse who got assigned to me. Yay! She was amazing and I LOVED her) came in and said it was my water and we got booked! We had to stay in the curtain room for another 3 hours until a delivery room was available. So crazy! The hospital was so over booked they had 5 girls on another floor recovering and nurses had to go between floors. Isn't that crazy???
OK Peanut is awake so I'll finish another day! Hopefully I can do some more tomorrow but it might be another 2 weeks! HA

H.E.S.

Hailey Elaine Sessions arrived 4-16-2009 at 12:33 AM. She was 6 lbs 6 oz 19" long. She is perfect and beautiful and for ths most part doing great!

I know I am 3 weeks late and I have sooooooooo much to write about and update but here are some quick pictures. My goal the rest of this week/weekend is to start writing her birth story out. It was quite dramatic, ha and I want to get it all down while I still remember most of it. Sorry for being MIA I promise I'll try to be back soon! Being a Mommy is the hardest most tiring job ever and I prefer naps on the couch w/ my princess to blogging right now but slowly I am getting back to my normal self :) Love to you all!

Couple minutes after her Birth
Ugh looking like and feeling like crap but super happy and emotional!
This is her "I'm not sure I wanna be awake but your telling me to eat" face. We call it her Pirate Face she does it all the time and I love it. Cracks me up!

Daddy's favorite picture

Mommy's Favorite, I love when she sleeps like this. So peaceful!

The post where I whine and complain and moan.......

I'm sorry ya'll I ALWAYS try to be upbeat and positive, I really hate being a complainer and a negative person seriously I do. But this pregnancy and the end times are kicking my much-too-fat-booty. I am HUGE. I have stretch marks all over the entire front of my belly :( Which didn't decide to appear until about 2 weeks ago. My woobies are huge and fit in nothing anymore I swear and although they are NOT leaking (PTL) they hurt like mad. Saturday night we went to my parents for Easter dinner and about half way through dinner my stomach started cramping like the WORST PMS cramps in the entire world! Now when I was "normal" and would get my period the week before lovely Aunt Flo was supposed to show up I would cramp low and horrible and then it would move to my back. For a week. Blah. I do NOT miss that. But anywho, this is EXACTLY what it felt like. To a T. Except then my whole belly up to my woobies got hard as bricks. My Dad started freaking out and telling me how to breathe and that he was going to boil water. LOL. Love him. This seriously was constant for 4 1/2 hours and didn't stop until about 9:30 when we were home and on the couch. The tightness didn't stay the whole time it would come and go but the cramping pain was constant. So honestly I don't know what it was! A contraction I've been told starts, last for MAYBE a couple minutes and then goes away. Braxton hicks are just like a weird tight pain and then goes away right away. Am I wrong?? What the flip is my body doing?? Meanwhile while these are going on Ms Hailey is freaking out and flopping all over. I'm assuming her "house" was getting smaller and smooshed and she didn't care for it, but I thought if it was a contraction that the Baby settles down and stops moving, no?!?!? I AM SO CONFUSED!!!! I need somebody to get into my body and tell me exactly what I am feeling and exactly what is going on! So I did some research online (aka reading blogs lol) and saw that women that had these type of "cramps" usually went into labor with in 24-36 hours. I was so excited I almost woke my Hubby from his deep slumber at 11pm b/c even though I wasn't IN labor I was going to go INTO labor soon! I quickly decided if fluid wasn't leaking out of me or anything its best I do NOT wake him up. Haha. I hope he appreciates it! I slept like crap Saturday night and felt nothing all day Sunday. No cramping, pains, stretching NOTHING. I was quite disappointed. Until I got to work today. Holy moly. This girl is doing a number on me. It's been pretty much constant cramps since 8 this morning and still going strong. Plus my back is killing me. Oy vey! But it's totally fine if it means she is closer to coming. Like with in the next week?? Tomorrow??? Friday?? I'll take whatever I can get! So here is the part where I whine and complain;

-I slept about 4-5 hours last night despite being IN bed for 9 hours.
-Waking up with heartburn again despite being on the SAME prescription meds for over 5 weeks now. That WERE working but decided to stop at 1am and make me wake up to take a tums
-I rub my husbands back almost every day/night and try to make it feel better for him only for it to be totally worse today and he has to go get another professional message
-SWOLLEN. I am a walking water balloon I swear. It's horrible. My feet are at least 3 times the size they normally are. And they hurt. The extra fluid is putting so much pressure on my veins/bones they ache. It's really bad. Plus part of the reason I was up half the night was because I was trying to dig a hole through the skin under my big toe on my right foot it was so itchy and would not STOP itching.
-Due to swelling I haven't been able to wear my wedding ring for about 4 weeks now and it's depressing and I miss it and feel naked. Everyday I go to work I feel like I forgot something but it's just my rings
-My face is HUGE and the Mother In Law decides to take a million pictures of me and email them and they literally make me cry I am so HUGE and gross. Seriously I am vain but they are ugly and I can't look at them
-I am now missing my niece's 4th Birthday party tonight because I don't think I can sit in a gym with a bunch of little kids while I am in this much pain. And I REALLY wanted cake :(
-I am ONLY 37 weeks. Supposedly. I don't know when I conceived so I could be like 38 or 39 or even 40. But I still feel like since I haven't gone past my "due date" I have no right to complain.
-In fact I have no right to complain period because I am pregnant and so far have a perfect and healthy Baby growing inside of me when so many amazing women can't do this. Makes me feel guilty.
-This horrible taste in my mouth that I have 24-7 is horrible disgusting and I go through about 7 sticks of gum a day. It's so gross.
-My blood pressure has been "high normal" and I'm pretty sure it's due to my stupid horrible job and the people that I sit with, note how I didn't say that I WORK with because honestly none of them really work hence the stress and high blood pressure..............


OK that is enough I am stretching it looking for things to complain about now. Ha. I have my Dr apt today at 4:30 CST and I am debating wither or not to ask my Dr to strip my membranes. Any thoughts on this?? Honestly you won't offend me. I don't know how I feel. I know I really really want to move along the process and get her here sooner then later, but I am afraid it's to invasive and I should just wait until she is ready and my body is ready?!?!?! Plus I feel like 37 weeks and 4 days is to early. If I was like 39 weeks then yea. But the swelling, blood pressure, contractions, back labor, I'm just miserable plus I am the MOST impatient person on the planet and NEED to meet this little girl TONIGHT!! ha. I still have a feeling she isn't going to make her appearance before next week but we'll see what Dr Reed says. I'm getting excited and anxious and NERVOUS about labor but know that God has blessed me this far and he will be with me the whole time!
This past weekend was VERY productive for me! Although we got GOBS of clothes and blankets and great things at my shower, I knew I still didn't have ENOUGH to get me through the first few months and a friend of a friend was selling all her girls clothes and wanted me to come over and go through stuff and buy whatever I want before she has a garage sale in a couple weeks. So me and the mother in law trekked across town and got about 35 outfits/sleepers for $40! It was awesome, I had really no 3-6 month stuff so that is what I focused on. What if this little girl is huge and whips right through all her 0-3 stuff?? So I got a bunch of super cute and CHEAP stuff. Most of looks like it hasn't been worn at all it's in such great shape, and most of it wasn't for more then $3 an outfit! YAY! Thanks Jennifer!
Then on Saturday afternoon me and Steve rushed off to my most FAVORITE photographer in the world, Lesley to do belly shots! They turned out AWESOME and her camera is MAGIC and didn't make me look as fat as most have lately! I should get the disk of all the pictures in the next couple days and I'll have a picture over load for you! They turned out amazing and I'm sure will look even better after she retouches them and changes all the effects and that fun stuff. I'm excited! :)
Then yesterday morning I didn't my usual Sunday chores, laundry, misc pick up stuff around the house, but then I also made a double batch of sloppy joes, a small pan of enchiladas and a big batch of chicken taco meat and froze it all for Steve. I felt VERY accomplished! Oh we also finally got the base put in my car and I got mainly all my hospital stuff packed and ready to go! Heaven help me if I have to rush off to the hospital and Steve has to get things for me :) Love you Honey!
OK seriously this is so long and BORING! I am just trying to get everything down so I remember all these times, good and bad! I know I will look back and laugh! And remember to be checking facebook for updates and I'll try to write a blog or make Steve write a quick blog when she is here! Not sure how long it will be before a picture gets up since I won't have my photo software on the hospital computer or Andy's laptop but I'll see what I can do :) Loves to all and hope you had a great Easter rejoicing Christ being risen!

Showered w/ Love

Alright girls not sure how long and winded this will be but stayed tuned for LOADS of pictures!!! :)

So today I am officially FULL TERM! 37 Weeks Baby I made it! There were a LOT of struggles and hard times to get here and honestly I wasn't sure I was strong enough or going to make it but I did and I am actually pretty proud of myself. I'm sorry if that sounds conceited but this has NOT been an easy road. God has thrown a lot of curves at me and so far everything is still fine and Baby Bean is healthy and growing and doing amazing! I seriously can NOT wait to see her! Oh my! I'm going to write another letter to her probably tomorrow or Monday so I'll leave details for that..............
I went to my Dr Monday and my B/P was on the high side but still fairly normal. Dr R seemed a little concerned but gave me warning signs, none of which I have had so I think I'm fine. Seriously it's this stupid pointless job I have I swear! Ha. Less then 3 weeks, less then 3 weeks, that is my new chant over and over to get me through the day! Other then that I haven't gained to much weight somewhere between 20-25 lbs and honestly ya'll with how un-healthy I eat and bad I am I thought I would balloon and gain like over 70 lbs. I am serious. So I am pretty happy with myself, and hope it falls right off especially with the help of Breastfeeding :) My goal is to be as cute or more then freaking Julie in her after birth pic here, LOL Love ya Julie :)
So yeah anyways, then I had my first "check" oy vey. It wasn't that bad but it wasn't pleasant. I hope she comes sooner then later because between the weight check and then the blood pressure check (which I am certin the weight check is what spikes my b/p I can't STAND seeing a number that high. Isn't that vain of me? Just keeping it real people), and then getting "check checked" I can't do this much longer! Haha.
Anyways, he said her head is VERY VERY low and "right there", and I was 1 cm dilated!!!! I was hoping for 2 but I'll take 1. Heck I could probably say I am 2 because my Dr has HUGE man hands and when my BFF was in labor he said she was 3 and not even 2 minutes later he left the room so the nurse checked and said she was at 5. LOL. So who knows! So my body knows what to do and is getting ready! We are in all out panic mode at the house now though! lol. We need to get a car seat base installed (tried last night in Steve's Saturn but it's got a TINY backseat and didn't work in the middle b/c of how far back Steve puts his seat, so we'll put it in mine for sure and then move it to one of the sides in Steve's car this weekend. Such a mess!), the changing table painted and up, and then hang stuff on the wall and she can come! We put up her swing in the living room, I got her bag packed just need her diaper bag I ordered on walmart to come in, and all her clothes/blankets/socks/hats/bibs washed and organized! Yay! So honestly if she comes tomorrow I will freak but we are pretty much ready :) Can't believe she could come anytime now! I still think she will be in there for at least 2 more weeks. We'll see! :) I am going to be cooking all weekend and freezing meals for Hubs, he is super extra picky so I want him to have stuff on hand he can pop in the microwave or oven real quick and heat up. Aren't I the bestest wifey in the world? Haha. Also a lady I work with is having a huge garage sale at the end of the month but she is letting me come over Saturday morning and go through all the her girls baby clothes and stuff and get whatever I want! How awesome! We don't need much but I want a couple more 0-3 and 3-6 outfits. I'm excited!
Then even more exciting is that our most amazing wedding photographer Lesley is gifting us a Maternity/belly session!!! I am so freaking excited! I am totally swollen and HUGE and have stretch marks but hopefully she can photoshop some of it out! I'm pretty excited, I am even making Hubs come with me and join in on the picture taking fun! I'll make sure to post lots when we get them back and tell you how it went. I'm nervous I haven't looked the best in pictures lately, my face is HUGE and swollen and it's depressing. I am trying not to be vain or whatever about it but I look like an elephant that can't open her eyes because of all the fluid. It's bad. Seriously. I am being VERY picky about what pictures I post on this blog because I am so embarrassed. Anyways.........

My shower was amazing! There was about 18 people there and we were sooooo blessed! I think I opened presents honestly for over an hour it was insane! We got so many clothes, blankets, hats, diaper care stuff, it was amazing! Everything was so sweet and cute and I loved it all! Some of my cousins from out of state even sent presents to my Mom's house how sweet! I was over whelmed, it was truely awesome to see how loved we are and how many people are going to love and support and help raise this little girl :)

So honestly that is our life right now! Nothing else to report! We're just waiting and getting ready and trying to spend lots of time together and with our friends before our lives completely change for the better! I am making my brother bring up his laptop to the hospital so I can post a quick blog (I'll try to do a picture but not sure), and probably update my facebook page! Pray for a quick easy delivery and a HEALTHY perfect little girl that gets to come home with us!!!
Now on with the pictures!

This is the cake my sis in law Shelley made. Tell me how talented she is! It's simply adorable and was amazingly delicious! It was chocolate cake with like a fudgy chocolate filling. Oh my yum!

My bestest girlies! The hostesses. My sister Natalie, Me, Meriam, and Meriam's little Sahar. Such gorgeous girls and we always have such a fun amazing time together!

Me and my Meriam "Murmaid" she is so gorgeous! And I look like.........well a cow.

My Momma, me and sis. My Mom would hate me if she knew this was up but she looks WAY better then me so whatever! It's MY blog haha

Me and the yummy cake again.

36 weeks and 4 days. Huge and looking miserable but really excited and happy!

Opening her coming home outfit from her Auntie Megan. I LOVE it so so adorable!

Hailey's first handmade quilt from my Mom of course. Mom has made these for years (even sold them) but this one is extra special to me! I love it and can't wait to put her on the floor for tummy time on it :)

Sorry to discriminate because we got so many adorable, cute, fun things, but this is one of my FAVORITE outfits, from Aunt Natalie. I can not WAIT to dress her up!!!

Wedding

I'm a blog thief but thought this looked fun and wanted to fill it out! You guys go do it to! :) A full detailed post w/ pictures coming up...............

1) When was your wedding day?
September 23th 2007


2) What day of the week was it?
Sunday


3) Did you get married in a church?
Nope, outside at a private Clubhouse



4) How many in your wedding party?
2 Bridesmaids, 2 groomsmen, a flower girl, a ring bearer, and lots of special "helpers"



5) How many guests were invited to your wedding?
Right around 130 but only about 95 showed up


6) How long where you together before the engagement?
1 year and 3 months

7) How long did you wait to Tie The Knot after your proposal?
about 9 months

8) How did he propose??

Read about our engagement HERE

9) Did you register for gifts? If yes, where?
Target and JCPenny

10) Who did you hire as your photographer & videographer?
Photographer; Lesley who is AMAZING and I love to death and has become a good friend. We didn't want to spend the $ on a videographer which I don't disagree with to this day but I really really really wish we had it on video so I could go back and watch it and catch things I missed, but it's probably best I HATE seeing myself on tv and hearing my own voice. lol

11) Did you have a DJ or a band?
A DJ who was amazing

12) What was your First dance to?
Could Not Ask For More by Edwin McCain, tear up every time I hear it to this day!

13) Did your father walk you down the aisle?
Yup!

14) What color were the bridesmaids' dresses and groomsmen's vests?
Bridesmaids dresses were a deep red color. LOVE them they looked so gorgeous on my skinny little bridesmaids. The guys just wore dress pants, button down shirt and a tie. We went super casual

15) Did you have a bridal shower?
Yup 2! One was with the "Mothers" and was awesome I got so much great stuff! The 2nd was with all my girlfriends and was a spa party it was super fun!

16) What type of limo did you get?
Didn't get 1, waste of $ we didn't go to/from anywhere, ceremony and reception were held at the same place

17) What were your flowers?
I had deep red roses with white tulips (fav flower!), and the girls had all white roses with silver jewel things in thiers. They were amazing and I loved them!

18) What flavor was your cake?
We had a 3 tiered cake w/ 3 different layers. 1st layer (that we cut) was chocolate chip (for Steve the only way I could get him to eat any was if it was chocolate chip), the 2nd was pink champagne cake w/ pink champagne filling, bottom and best was almond cake w/ raspberry filling. DELISH

19) What type of wedding gown?
A line, strapless, bodice was full of beading and the bottom had a scalloped edge. I had been w/ my girlfriends and picked out a dress that was totally plain and only had a bow on it, took my Mom, Sister, and Steve's Mom back to show them and they hated it and talked me into trying on dresses w/ beading and that were "puffy", I argued but wanted to make them happy and fell in LOVE w/ this dress the instant it was on. I even got to take it home that night!

20) What was the weather like that day?
like 85, sunny and 70 mile an hour winds. But it didn't rain and that is all I cared about!

21) Did you have an open bar?
NO. We were cheap and only had homemade punch and water. I didn't want anybody ruining my wedding because of alcohol either......

22) Where did you go on your Honeymoon?
Estes Park Colorado. BEST VACATION EVER. Wish we could go back. It was so relaxing and fun and I LOVED being w/ my HUSBAND!!!!

23) What was your favorite thing about your wedding day?
Besides the fact that we were married and together forever, was seeing Steve's face when I walked down the aisle. He swore he wouldn't be emotional and he wasn't going to cry and I saw him tear up when he first saw me. Amazing. I lost it to. Things I wish we had on video.........

24) Did anything go wrong?
I was over an hour late to the Clubhouse to get ready so we didn't get to do any pictures before the wedding, oh and the clubhouse got broken into and my poor friends thought my dress was in the building (it wasn't my Mom had it) and thought it got stolen. Other then that everything seriously went perfect! If it didn't everybody did a good job of hiding it from me :)

25) How long have you been married?
1 year, 6 months and 15 days!

Our amazing cake!

This is my FAVORITE picture from the 8000 Lesley took. It's just a candid, but you can see the Clubhouse behind us, and Steve is playing with my hair like he always does (which I LOVE and think is so sweet and caring), and we're both laughing and having fun like always. Sorry if I've posted it on here before but you get to see it again! It just totally captures and sums us up :)

Um yeah

Oh my so my last post got posted. It was an accident (God bless you for reading it I didn't even spell check the thing and I know it was all over the place!). You girls are amazing. It took everything I had in me not to sit at my desk and cry. You guys get me and know what I am feeling even though we're thousands of miles apart! Honestly I am fine. I don't want you all to think I sit at home and cry and stew and think something is going to happen. I am totally wicked excited and thrilled about this Baby! I won't let us live in a bubble and be "afraid" of God or anything else. I know he is a loving FORGIVING God and I thank him everyday for that! I just had a mumbled jumbled mess in my head and in my heart and I needed to get it down and get it out. I actually feel relieved and better since putting it down. I am free of all those feelings :) Even though I am scared to death of some people reading it and judging me I am human and I am scared and I let myself be vulnerable so whatever! So anyways thanks again to all my girls I love you guys you’re the best!!! I will probably defiantly need you in the first couple weeks after Hailey is here and I am a hormonal crying mess that is sleep deprived! Ha :) Yet I am so excited and thrilled to have those problems!!!

My parents came over last night and we got some more stuff finished up in Bean's room. Curtains got hung, and we sanded the changing table I bought off craigslist (LOVE it), it had a HORRIBLE paint job so that is my project this weekend is to give it a couple of coats of white paint! Woohoo!
My shower is tomorrow and I am soooooooo excited. I will feel SO much better after being able to wash clothes and blankets and get more things organized and ready! I have Monday off to go shop and buy necessities and do fun things like put her car seat base in my car and stuff! I am so weird the things I am excited about............I might even drive the Hubby nuts and get her swing up in the living room so he can stare at it for the next 4 weeks. Hehe.

So other then that nothing else exciting is going on with us. Steve pulled like 3 muscles in his back :( So my poor Baby missed some time this week at work, but did get a deep tissue message which seemed to help! Along with his AMAZING wifey who messages and helps him ice a hundred times a day and night. Haha. Hopefully he will be all better after this weekend! I really rely on him to help me since I can't bend down or do hardly anything for myself anymore, so it's been a trying week and we're trying not to let each other do to much which is interesting because we end up yelling at each other for getting up and not asking for help and then just sitting there laughing about it :)

I have D R A M A at my work. I am just trying to make it through these next 3 1/2-4 weeks. Blah! Any day after next Thursday (37 weeks) she wants to arrive I will be soooooooo happy! I have my first weekly dr apt on Monday and I get checked. Please pray for some movement in that area, I would love to be like 2 cm dilated! Haha. I highly doubt it but any progress is progress and I'll take it! I really don't want to go past my due date if possible!
OK I'm out of here. I'll make sure to update Tuesday or Wednesday next week w/ shower pictures and dr apt results. Love you all and have a blessed weekend! <3

Light at the end of the tunnel.....

5 weeks

38 days

27 working days (minus today and next Monday which I have off. Woohoo!)

920 hours

Not that I am counting or anything. But that is all that is left until the POSSIBLE last minute of getting to meet this little Bean inside me. That is going off of May 7th which is 41 weeks for me. April 30 is her ACTUAL due date, but I know everything is just a guess. Especially since honestly we have no idea when I even conceived or anything. It's all so confusing to me. I'm debating wither or not to ask for another ultra sound in one of my upcoming apts to see what she is measuring at and if April 30th is still accurate. In case you can't tell I am a planner Type A personality and not having an exact day is going to drive me batty. I have a feeling this stubborn lil miss is going to stay in as long as possible and not make an appearance unless forced out. I dunno induction after 40 weeks is just my gut. But who knows she has been head down since about 28 weeks (or longer that was just when it first occured to me to ask my dr what position she was in) and is currently extremely low and pushing my pelvic bones apart, so maybe I will be dilated at next weeks apt! I'm not counting on it though. And don't they always say that Momma knows best?? I like to think so :)
This weekend was especially hard. Like Steve said in his blog, me and this lil girl are fighting for room in my stomach. And she is so winning. Ha. She had the hiccups from about 3:30-4:15 Saturday night so I was awake from 3:30-5:15am it was not good. And again like Steve said we know our lives will change, we won't have quiet anymore, there won't be as much "I" or "WE" time anymore, life will revolve around a little tiny person. But we are so extremely excited and have wanted this our whole lives. I normally get between 8-10 hours of sleep. If I get less it's ugly people. I also realize this will change when Lil Miss is here. I am not looking forward to it, but I know it comes with the territory. I honestly plan on sleeping as much as possible. If she is fed and clean and awake I will still lay down and try to sleep. I'll just put her in a bouncy or swing or whatever. This is why I am praying every day and night for a calm happy Baby. Who loves her Momma and lets her sleep. Ha. Am I crazy ya'll?? I know we'll adjust and figure it out as we go along, I'm honestly not worried about it at all. I am more excited then anything! Every time I think of her grand entrance into the world, holding her on me for the first time, seeing her w/ her Daddy, feeding her, seeing her Daddy's reaction to her being born, these thoughts randomly pop in my head all day everyday and I get the biggest butterflies ever. I am so so so excited to be a Momma! I am nervous and anxious and worried but I know everything will be perfect exactly to God's plan.

So I need help from my bloggy friends!!! What is the 1 thing that you couldn't LIVE without when you had a newborn/baby??? And what is something that you wish you hadn't wasted your $ on or never used that you thought you would????
Any advice help would be appreciated! I am super duper excited my shower is Saturday and then me and Steve took the day off work next Monday to go out and get everything that we will still need and didn't get at the shower. I am so so so extremely excited! :) Help so we know what to get!!! Ya'll rock! I'll try to update at least once more this week if not then I will for sure after the shower and I'll include lots of pics :)

My last blog was...

My last blog was….a long time ago. Well, so much has changed on the job front I will just skip to the most resent. I am thankful to have a job, as a lot of people at FNBank, much less the US, have been laid off. Our department got cut almost in half. I am having to cover for 2 of the cut positions, plus my own. So it is a challenge. Enough about work.. More fun stuff.
I am looking forward to Hailey's arrival. We have most of the room done, have most of the essentials and she has some clothes. B has a shower planned next weekend so I am sure we will receive more of what she needs.

B is being a trooper, but I know it has been ruff on her. Now Hailey seems too big and hurts B when H moves around. Hope that means she will come early.

So many people have said "your life will change once you have a baby." I want to respond.. Well daaaa! Who doesn't know that… I hope most have a child expecting or wanting that change. B and I have been wanting that change for a long time.

Truth hurts

I am debating weither or not to post this. I probably won't at least for awhile. I honestly don't know who reads it and who doesn't because NOBODY leaves me comments (ha), and I don't know what I want certian people reading and such. Plus this is going to be extreamly raw, open, and hoenst. I am totally sharing my heart and a lot of personal things, just not sure if I am ready to share them with the blog world yet.

I am scared. To death. To have this Baby. S C A R E D. Out of my mind. I have tried to shrug this off and hold it in and not appear to be scared. But I am.
I know this isn't the way God works, God is a loving God. He has a plan for us, we are in his books and he knows what is going to happen before it does. But I am also scared of God. I wish I had scripture to back this up, but I know somewhere in the Bible it commands us to be afraid of his rod and rath. I know one day I will be judged in front of his throne and I am scared to death of that day as well. I have made choices in my life that are horrible. I have not lived to the standards my parents set for me, and certinally not the way God calls us to live. I know that when I took Jesus into my heart when I was 7 or whatever age I was, that I was to start living as Jesus did on the Earth. I need to spread his word and glory to others and I do not do that at all times. I have made poor choices. When I was 16 I got my first boyfriend. Completely how of selfishness. He was cathlotic (not saying that is bad he just believed a LOT of different things then I did and we just chose to ignore it and not discuss our differances), and we did a lot of foolish stupid teenager things we shouldn't have. Nothing illegal (I NEVER have) but we broke a lot of rules and did things that Christ followers should not have done.
With my next boyfriend, we won't even go there. That was my totally bad rebillious stage in life. It lasted far to long. The Devil got a hold of me and I let him in and have his way with me. I honestly truely believe that. God still had some hold of me, and thank goodness he did and was able to get me out and get me back.
Then my Steve came along. FINALLY somebody who was on the totally same page and level as me with God. We believed the same, prayed the same, felt the same about church and the word and it was a breath of fresh air. Then we made a huge personal choice for our lives and some people had a very hard time with this. While I feel at peace about it, and that God was OK about it it's hard when I have people telling me things in both ears and they are judging me and telling me what God thinks and feels. I even had someone close to me tell me that if I make these decisions and go through with them that God will get me. He will physically do something to jar me for making these decisions. They went on to list examples, I could get cancer, get in a bad car accident, somebody close to me will die, my child will have deformaties or something bad will happen, it was horrible and made me sick for months.
I am being dead on serious ya'll, this has stuck with me over the years. Is God going to punish me for the choices I have made in my past and things I have done?? I know others and read a lot of blogs of beautiful pure people that have much cleaner hearts then me (only in my opinion. But if these people knew the things I have done they would be in shock) and have lost babies, lost husbands/wives, had horrible horrible tragadities in their lives and nothing has happened to me. WHY? Is he waiting?? I can't live my life waiting on pins and needles for something to happen and God to strike down on me. And I am trying my hardest not to. But when somebody has put that in your head and you know it's partly true it's scary. I know God has a plan for me and my life and my babies life and those around me, and I know if something were to happen it most likely would happen weither or not I have made these choices. I am just scared that I will lose my focus of him and he will do something to get it back off myself and my life and onto him. Is this making any sense? I feel like I am allllllll over the place with this. It's just been weighing on my heart since I found out I was pregnant. I know if the baby has a defect, is sick, passes away, I know it's God plan and I will gladly hand her over to him but it will kill me inside. He knows how bad I would hurt and he knows I could cry to him and be upset and be dying inside. But I would still love him. He is still my God a loving God and he wouldn't do something like that to me if he wasn't trying to teach me and show me something. I just need to open my eyes and my heart to him and everything will be fine. I will always give him all the glory, praise and honor no matter what he chooses for our family. I am just anxious and want it to be over and for her to be here and come home with us. I have prayed for her for so long and prayed so many different prayers. I pray for a quick, easy and mainly pain free delivery. I pray she will be perfect, perfect size, weight, height, breathing, everything. I pray she will come home with us right away and not have to be kept in the nicu or anything. I pray we will get feeding down and everything goes smoothly in that area. I pray she will be a good calm baby and not cry and be fussy and un-happy. I pray that she will be a good sleeper and not be awake and crying and keeping me up stressing me out all the time. I pray she will know how much she is wanted by her Mommy and Daddy, and how much we will love her forever and ever. I pray that we will bring her up to be a child of God and know how much he loves her and for her to be close with him and have a good relationship. I pray that she makes better decisions then her Momma and doesn't get caught up with bad people and make bad decisions and get hurt.
A lot of spacific things I know, but I know God needs to hear that these are things I want and need and he will answer them all if he sees fit. I trust in him and his provision for my life and his plans. So far I have been so incredibly blessed, I have an amazing husband that I truely believe God sent directly to me to save me. An awesome group of friends who are a great support to me and I know love me and are praying over this baby and pregnancy just as much as I am. Our families. Where do I even start? First of all they are all for the most part healthy. We have managed not to lose anybody in a long time, stay healthy, and be there for eachother when we are needed most. They are amazing and supportive and we love them to death! I have a great job (that I hate but I diguress.......), a car that runs in perfect condition, a brand spankin new house full of beautiful furniture and food and keeps us warm and cool, a true blessing! See how blessed I am?!?! And trust me I know it to. I start out every prayer to God thanking him for my blessinga and how richly he has blessed our lives and how grateful I am to him!
OK sorry I will be done now. I may post this in a couple months, years, weeks who knows! I just have to get it off my chest and I feel MUCH better now :) Loves to you all!

Life Lessons Learned

You can read the 1st and 2nd installments.

Ohmigord I am going to me a Mom. A Mother. I have to know EVERYTHING. I have to be able to DO everything. This is all I have EVER wanted for my life. Since I was a little girl and played with cabbage patch dolls (for a little to long :ahem: but we'll just skip over that part). But now that the reality is here I don't know what to do. I don't know how much fabric to buy to make a blanket, I don't know all the cooking stuff you need to know in the kitchen, I still don't know exactly how to make Mom's special home made pie crust, I'm no good at hanging things on the wall, or if your car is making a certain noise what is wrong with it. These are all things my Mom is amazing at. She HAS to teach me everything before Hailey starts asking me for help with things!

All that to say I have experienced quite a bit over the years from various babysitting/Nanning jobs. I simply ADORE children. Always have.
I had this one family, we'll just call them the L's. They had 3 kids (all whose names started w/ a K which I find terribly annoying because it would take me all 3 frickin names to get to the one kid I actually needed to yell at........so annoying). These kids were ADORABLE. Gorgeous. But they were brats. Spoiled rotten. I am not a push over, if I say something I stick with it. If I threaten something I go through with it. These kids hated me for this. They were NOT good. But the Mom was my Mom's friend so she used to just call my Mom and have her set up babysitting. It was annoying. Anyways, the couple horrible times at their house that stand out in my mind were one night I went over there around 6ish right after dinner. The Mom proceeds to tell me that the oldest K missed 2 days of school that week w/ a stomach virus and had been puking/pooping all over the house. Oh joy. She thinks he gave it to the youngest who was now pooping everywhere but had yet to puke. So THAT makes it OK to leave your kids home sick w/ a poor 15 year old girl??
First I also must interject that I do NOT deal well with puke. I am a symphony "puker". I don't usually puke but I will gag and dry heave very very bad if I see, smell, or hear somebody throwing up. It's BAD. I can not handle it. Poop I hate but I can deal w/ w/out getting sick. Puking not so much. Me and Steve made a pact that when our kids are sick I will deal w/ all the #2's and he gets all the pukes. Baby pukes are fine but grown up throw up is another thing. OK now that we have that said.........
The little girl K was only about 2 1/2 at the time and didn't understand when she was about to get sick or anything so she proceeded to have about 3 "episodes" of poo in her clothes and all over the floor in about an hour. I felt horrible for her. I kept just putting her in the tub and washing her down, then going and scrubbing the floor. It was horrible. But no puke yet so I dealt with it and didn't call the parents home. Then the middle boy K decided his tummy hurt really bad and that he needed milk. I told him NO he was only allowed to have water. I knew from my Mom (who knows everything of course) if your tummy hurts to only have water. Milk will make you throw up if your tummy is upset. So he went and got himself a glass of milk while I was cleaning up a poo episode and guzzled the thing thinking it would help his tummy. Guess who puked ALL over the floor 2 seconds later? That is when I lost it. I called confrence the parents were at and got some front desk/security guy who could care less that this 15 year old girl was hysterical and crying in the phone. Ah the days before cell phones right?? haha. He refused to go in the room and find the parents and get them for me. I begged and pleaded and didn't know what to do. I called my Mom who lived about 3 blocks away and asked her to come help. She didn't come over (which I didn't care about I just needed SOMETHING) but she promised to call the conference and get L and R home to their sick children. About 3 minutes later L calls and asks what happened. "UM your kids are puking and pooping all over and NEED thier MOTHER". So she sighs and says she GUESSES they will be home. I slammed down the phone only to find Little K puking. Yay. I freaked. I was not going to make it. I had been there for like 2 1/2 hours and had dealt with 5 poops (yea the boys made it to the bathroom but I still had to clean up their clothes), and 2 pukes. OMG it was horrible. FINALLY about 20 minutes later the parents come home and give me $10 and tell me to walk home. OMG I was furious it was like March so it was cold out and it was pitch black dark. I was soooooooooo pissed. I refused to ever babysit for them ever again. Of course I did though. Ha.
Months later the L's were building a house and sold the one they currently lived in (by my parents) early so had to live in an apartment until thier house was done. So they rented a tiny 2 bedroom apt and lived there a couple months. I only had to go over there once thank goodness, I don't recall where the parents were, but it was a gorgeous summer night and the kids wanted to play at the play ground that was in the back part of their building. The older boys were outside and me and little K were inside playing dolls or something girly. I heard some scary ppl yelling in the hall and slamming doors so I decided to lock the front door and go outside with the boys so I knew we were all safe. I took the cordless phone w/ me so I could call my BFF later while they kids were playing. I shut the sliding glass door behind me and went and played w/ the kids. Nobody decided to tell me (or the landlord appairently) that the door was broken and would automatically lock behind you and to always leave the front door open so you could get back in. Yeah would have been nice to know huh? I did not know 1 soul in the building and wasn't about to start knocking on doors asking for help and run into the scary screaming ppl so I called my parents and my Dad came over and saved us. He picked us all up and took us back to my parents house where all the kids fell asleep on the floor watching a Disney Movie. I was able to get a hold of the parents to tell them to pick up the kids from my parents and not go to back to the apt. I was so furious why wouldn't they warn me or give me a key or something?? Seriously those ppl were a couple screws loose.............luckily they moved to Oregon or something a couple years later and I was finally cut off from babysitting for them.

Another one of my favorite stories was when I was a nanny for a family while I was in high school. The Mom taught Kindergarten 1/2 days and all day on Friday so I would be with her 3 kids (who were 3, 2, and a newborn) for 9 hours every Friday. I seriously LOVED it. It was the greatest job ever. If I could have bottled up those kids and kept them small forever I would always watch them and love on them. I seriously loved them to death! They were sooooooo good and sweet for me and it was some of the funnest times of my life going over there. Well, S (the Mom) called me earlier in the week to tell me Baby J was sick and she was staying home but didn't know about Friday yet. Knowing how competent (unlike some ppl) she was I knew she would NEVER leave her sick baby or let me watch a sick baby. Sick babies need thier Momma's and she knew this. So by Friday he was doing MUCH better but still hadn't had a whole bottle of milk yet b/c his little system couldn't handle it. I don't know what was going on that day but I was only needed the 2nd half of the day and he was with his crazy whacko aunt who I couldn't stand that whole morning. Well, over bearing crazy Aunt C thought he looked way to skinny and was hungry and decided to shove a 8 oz bottle of formula down him. I was pissed. I knew S told me not to give him any formula and I told Aunt C this as I saw her feeding him. She handed him to me and told me to finish giving it to him, it had been a couple days since he last puked and he would be fine. I sat there holding him in my arms and talking to him and bam all the sudden the volcano of puke erupted all over me. All down the front of my shirt, in my lap, even in my hair. OMG it was sooooooo disgusting. Luckily the house I nannied at was about 7 down from my parents so I was able to run home really quick and change my clothes. Aunt C had to pick her older kids up from school though so I couldn't wash my hair or take a shower or anything I didn't have time. I had to pull my hair back in a pony tail and have stinky baby formula puke hair all day. Oh my it was lovely. I just felt sooooo bad for the poor baby.

Ah memories!!!

So moral of this blog is: If your Baby is sick do NOT leave it with a babysitter. Stop being selfish and give up your night out or the extra $ you would make working and just STAY HOME!