March 30, 2009
27 working days (minus today and next Monday which I have off. Woohoo!)
Not that I am counting or anything. But that is all that is left until the POSSIBLE last minute of getting to meet this little Bean inside me. That is going off of May 7th which is 41 weeks for me. April 30 is her ACTUAL due date, but I know everything is just a guess. Especially since honestly we have no idea when I even conceived or anything. It's all so confusing to me. I'm debating wither or not to ask for another ultra sound in one of my upcoming apts to see what she is measuring at and if April 30th is still accurate. In case you can't tell I am a planner Type A personality and not having an exact day is going to drive me batty. I have a feeling this stubborn lil miss is going to stay in as long as possible and not make an appearance unless forced out. I dunno induction after 40 weeks is just my gut. But who knows she has been head down since about 28 weeks (or longer that was just when it first occured to me to ask my dr what position she was in) and is currently extremely low and pushing my pelvic bones apart, so maybe I will be dilated at next weeks apt! I'm not counting on it though. And don't they always say that Momma knows best?? I like to think so :)
This weekend was especially hard. Like Steve said in his blog, me and this lil girl are fighting for room in my stomach. And she is so winning. Ha. She had the hiccups from about 3:30-4:15 Saturday night so I was awake from 3:30-5:15am it was not good. And again like Steve said we know our lives will change, we won't have quiet anymore, there won't be as much "I" or "WE" time anymore, life will revolve around a little tiny person. But we are so extremely excited and have wanted this our whole lives. I normally get between 8-10 hours of sleep. If I get less it's ugly people. I also realize this will change when Lil Miss is here. I am not looking forward to it, but I know it comes with the territory. I honestly plan on sleeping as much as possible. If she is fed and clean and awake I will still lay down and try to sleep. I'll just put her in a bouncy or swing or whatever. This is why I am praying every day and night for a calm happy Baby. Who loves her Momma and lets her sleep. Ha. Am I crazy ya'll?? I know we'll adjust and figure it out as we go along, I'm honestly not worried about it at all. I am more excited then anything! Every time I think of her grand entrance into the world, holding her on me for the first time, seeing her w/ her Daddy, feeding her, seeing her Daddy's reaction to her being born, these thoughts randomly pop in my head all day everyday and I get the biggest butterflies ever. I am so so so excited to be a Momma! I am nervous and anxious and worried but I know everything will be perfect exactly to God's plan.
So I need help from my bloggy friends!!! What is the 1 thing that you couldn't LIVE without when you had a newborn/baby??? And what is something that you wish you hadn't wasted your $ on or never used that you thought you would????
Any advice help would be appreciated! I am super duper excited my shower is Saturday and then me and Steve took the day off work next Monday to go out and get everything that we will still need and didn't get at the shower. I am so so so extremely excited! :) Help so we know what to get!!! Ya'll rock! I'll try to update at least once more this week if not then I will for sure after the shower and I'll include lots of pics :)
March 27, 2009
I am looking forward to Hailey's arrival. We have most of the room done, have most of the essentials and she has some clothes. B has a shower planned next weekend so I am sure we will receive more of what she needs.
B is being a trooper, but I know it has been ruff on her. Now Hailey seems too big and hurts B when H moves around. Hope that means she will come early.
So many people have said "your life will change once you have a baby." I want to respond.. Well daaaa! Who doesn't know that… I hope most have a child expecting or wanting that change. B and I have been wanting that change for a long time.
I am scared. To death. To have this Baby. S C A R E D. Out of my mind. I have tried to shrug this off and hold it in and not appear to be scared. But I am.
I know this isn't the way God works, God is a loving God. He has a plan for us, we are in his books and he knows what is going to happen before it does. But I am also scared of God. I wish I had scripture to back this up, but I know somewhere in the Bible it commands us to be afraid of his rod and rath. I know one day I will be judged in front of his throne and I am scared to death of that day as well. I have made choices in my life that are horrible. I have not lived to the standards my parents set for me, and certinally not the way God calls us to live. I know that when I took Jesus into my heart when I was 7 or whatever age I was, that I was to start living as Jesus did on the Earth. I need to spread his word and glory to others and I do not do that at all times. I have made poor choices. When I was 16 I got my first boyfriend. Completely how of selfishness. He was cathlotic (not saying that is bad he just believed a LOT of different things then I did and we just chose to ignore it and not discuss our differances), and we did a lot of foolish stupid teenager things we shouldn't have. Nothing illegal (I NEVER have) but we broke a lot of rules and did things that Christ followers should not have done.
With my next boyfriend, we won't even go there. That was my totally bad rebillious stage in life. It lasted far to long. The Devil got a hold of me and I let him in and have his way with me. I honestly truely believe that. God still had some hold of me, and thank goodness he did and was able to get me out and get me back.
Then my Steve came along. FINALLY somebody who was on the totally same page and level as me with God. We believed the same, prayed the same, felt the same about church and the word and it was a breath of fresh air. Then we made a huge personal choice for our lives and some people had a very hard time with this. While I feel at peace about it, and that God was OK about it it's hard when I have people telling me things in both ears and they are judging me and telling me what God thinks and feels. I even had someone close to me tell me that if I make these decisions and go through with them that God will get me. He will physically do something to jar me for making these decisions. They went on to list examples, I could get cancer, get in a bad car accident, somebody close to me will die, my child will have deformaties or something bad will happen, it was horrible and made me sick for months.
I am being dead on serious ya'll, this has stuck with me over the years. Is God going to punish me for the choices I have made in my past and things I have done?? I know others and read a lot of blogs of beautiful pure people that have much cleaner hearts then me (only in my opinion. But if these people knew the things I have done they would be in shock) and have lost babies, lost husbands/wives, had horrible horrible tragadities in their lives and nothing has happened to me. WHY? Is he waiting?? I can't live my life waiting on pins and needles for something to happen and God to strike down on me. And I am trying my hardest not to. But when somebody has put that in your head and you know it's partly true it's scary. I know God has a plan for me and my life and my babies life and those around me, and I know if something were to happen it most likely would happen weither or not I have made these choices. I am just scared that I will lose my focus of him and he will do something to get it back off myself and my life and onto him. Is this making any sense? I feel like I am allllllll over the place with this. It's just been weighing on my heart since I found out I was pregnant. I know if the baby has a defect, is sick, passes away, I know it's God plan and I will gladly hand her over to him but it will kill me inside. He knows how bad I would hurt and he knows I could cry to him and be upset and be dying inside. But I would still love him. He is still my God a loving God and he wouldn't do something like that to me if he wasn't trying to teach me and show me something. I just need to open my eyes and my heart to him and everything will be fine. I will always give him all the glory, praise and honor no matter what he chooses for our family. I am just anxious and want it to be over and for her to be here and come home with us. I have prayed for her for so long and prayed so many different prayers. I pray for a quick, easy and mainly pain free delivery. I pray she will be perfect, perfect size, weight, height, breathing, everything. I pray she will come home with us right away and not have to be kept in the nicu or anything. I pray we will get feeding down and everything goes smoothly in that area. I pray she will be a good calm baby and not cry and be fussy and un-happy. I pray that she will be a good sleeper and not be awake and crying and keeping me up stressing me out all the time. I pray she will know how much she is wanted by her Mommy and Daddy, and how much we will love her forever and ever. I pray that we will bring her up to be a child of God and know how much he loves her and for her to be close with him and have a good relationship. I pray that she makes better decisions then her Momma and doesn't get caught up with bad people and make bad decisions and get hurt.
A lot of spacific things I know, but I know God needs to hear that these are things I want and need and he will answer them all if he sees fit. I trust in him and his provision for my life and his plans. So far I have been so incredibly blessed, I have an amazing husband that I truely believe God sent directly to me to save me. An awesome group of friends who are a great support to me and I know love me and are praying over this baby and pregnancy just as much as I am. Our families. Where do I even start? First of all they are all for the most part healthy. We have managed not to lose anybody in a long time, stay healthy, and be there for eachother when we are needed most. They are amazing and supportive and we love them to death! I have a great job (that I hate but I diguress.......), a car that runs in perfect condition, a brand spankin new house full of beautiful furniture and food and keeps us warm and cool, a true blessing! See how blessed I am?!?! And trust me I know it to. I start out every prayer to God thanking him for my blessinga and how richly he has blessed our lives and how grateful I am to him!
OK sorry I will be done now. I may post this in a couple months, years, weeks who knows! I just have to get it off my chest and I feel MUCH better now :) Loves to you all!
March 26, 2009
Ohmigord I am going to me a Mom. A Mother. I have to know EVERYTHING. I have to be able to DO everything. This is all I have EVER wanted for my life. Since I was a little girl and played with cabbage patch dolls (for a little to long :ahem: but we'll just skip over that part). But now that the reality is here I don't know what to do. I don't know how much fabric to buy to make a blanket, I don't know all the cooking stuff you need to know in the kitchen, I still don't know exactly how to make Mom's special home made pie crust, I'm no good at hanging things on the wall, or if your car is making a certain noise what is wrong with it. These are all things my Mom is amazing at. She HAS to teach me everything before Hailey starts asking me for help with things!
All that to say I have experienced quite a bit over the years from various babysitting/Nanning jobs. I simply ADORE children. Always have.
I had this one family, we'll just call them the L's. They had 3 kids (all whose names started w/ a K which I find terribly annoying because it would take me all 3 frickin names to get to the one kid I actually needed to yell at........so annoying). These kids were ADORABLE. Gorgeous. But they were brats. Spoiled rotten. I am not a push over, if I say something I stick with it. If I threaten something I go through with it. These kids hated me for this. They were NOT good. But the Mom was my Mom's friend so she used to just call my Mom and have her set up babysitting. It was annoying. Anyways, the couple horrible times at their house that stand out in my mind were one night I went over there around 6ish right after dinner. The Mom proceeds to tell me that the oldest K missed 2 days of school that week w/ a stomach virus and had been puking/pooping all over the house. Oh joy. She thinks he gave it to the youngest who was now pooping everywhere but had yet to puke. So THAT makes it OK to leave your kids home sick w/ a poor 15 year old girl??
First I also must interject that I do NOT deal well with puke. I am a symphony "puker". I don't usually puke but I will gag and dry heave very very bad if I see, smell, or hear somebody throwing up. It's BAD. I can not handle it. Poop I hate but I can deal w/ w/out getting sick. Puking not so much. Me and Steve made a pact that when our kids are sick I will deal w/ all the #2's and he gets all the pukes. Baby pukes are fine but grown up throw up is another thing. OK now that we have that said.........
The little girl K was only about 2 1/2 at the time and didn't understand when she was about to get sick or anything so she proceeded to have about 3 "episodes" of poo in her clothes and all over the floor in about an hour. I felt horrible for her. I kept just putting her in the tub and washing her down, then going and scrubbing the floor. It was horrible. But no puke yet so I dealt with it and didn't call the parents home. Then the middle boy K decided his tummy hurt really bad and that he needed milk. I told him NO he was only allowed to have water. I knew from my Mom (who knows everything of course) if your tummy hurts to only have water. Milk will make you throw up if your tummy is upset. So he went and got himself a glass of milk while I was cleaning up a poo episode and guzzled the thing thinking it would help his tummy. Guess who puked ALL over the floor 2 seconds later? That is when I lost it. I called confrence the parents were at and got some front desk/security guy who could care less that this 15 year old girl was hysterical and crying in the phone. Ah the days before cell phones right?? haha. He refused to go in the room and find the parents and get them for me. I begged and pleaded and didn't know what to do. I called my Mom who lived about 3 blocks away and asked her to come help. She didn't come over (which I didn't care about I just needed SOMETHING) but she promised to call the conference and get L and R home to their sick children. About 3 minutes later L calls and asks what happened. "UM your kids are puking and pooping all over and NEED thier MOTHER". So she sighs and says she GUESSES they will be home. I slammed down the phone only to find Little K puking. Yay. I freaked. I was not going to make it. I had been there for like 2 1/2 hours and had dealt with 5 poops (yea the boys made it to the bathroom but I still had to clean up their clothes), and 2 pukes. OMG it was horrible. FINALLY about 20 minutes later the parents come home and give me $10 and tell me to walk home. OMG I was furious it was like March so it was cold out and it was pitch black dark. I was soooooooooo pissed. I refused to ever babysit for them ever again. Of course I did though. Ha.
Months later the L's were building a house and sold the one they currently lived in (by my parents) early so had to live in an apartment until thier house was done. So they rented a tiny 2 bedroom apt and lived there a couple months. I only had to go over there once thank goodness, I don't recall where the parents were, but it was a gorgeous summer night and the kids wanted to play at the play ground that was in the back part of their building. The older boys were outside and me and little K were inside playing dolls or something girly. I heard some scary ppl yelling in the hall and slamming doors so I decided to lock the front door and go outside with the boys so I knew we were all safe. I took the cordless phone w/ me so I could call my BFF later while they kids were playing. I shut the sliding glass door behind me and went and played w/ the kids. Nobody decided to tell me (or the landlord appairently) that the door was broken and would automatically lock behind you and to always leave the front door open so you could get back in. Yeah would have been nice to know huh? I did not know 1 soul in the building and wasn't about to start knocking on doors asking for help and run into the scary screaming ppl so I called my parents and my Dad came over and saved us. He picked us all up and took us back to my parents house where all the kids fell asleep on the floor watching a Disney Movie. I was able to get a hold of the parents to tell them to pick up the kids from my parents and not go to back to the apt. I was so furious why wouldn't they warn me or give me a key or something?? Seriously those ppl were a couple screws loose.............luckily they moved to Oregon or something a couple years later and I was finally cut off from babysitting for them.
Another one of my favorite stories was when I was a nanny for a family while I was in high school. The Mom taught Kindergarten 1/2 days and all day on Friday so I would be with her 3 kids (who were 3, 2, and a newborn) for 9 hours every Friday. I seriously LOVED it. It was the greatest job ever. If I could have bottled up those kids and kept them small forever I would always watch them and love on them. I seriously loved them to death! They were sooooooo good and sweet for me and it was some of the funnest times of my life going over there. Well, S (the Mom) called me earlier in the week to tell me Baby J was sick and she was staying home but didn't know about Friday yet. Knowing how competent (unlike some ppl) she was I knew she would NEVER leave her sick baby or let me watch a sick baby. Sick babies need thier Momma's and she knew this. So by Friday he was doing MUCH better but still hadn't had a whole bottle of milk yet b/c his little system couldn't handle it. I don't know what was going on that day but I was only needed the 2nd half of the day and he was with his crazy whacko aunt who I couldn't stand that whole morning. Well, over bearing crazy Aunt C thought he looked way to skinny and was hungry and decided to shove a 8 oz bottle of formula down him. I was pissed. I knew S told me not to give him any formula and I told Aunt C this as I saw her feeding him. She handed him to me and told me to finish giving it to him, it had been a couple days since he last puked and he would be fine. I sat there holding him in my arms and talking to him and bam all the sudden the volcano of puke erupted all over me. All down the front of my shirt, in my lap, even in my hair. OMG it was sooooooo disgusting. Luckily the house I nannied at was about 7 down from my parents so I was able to run home really quick and change my clothes. Aunt C had to pick her older kids up from school though so I couldn't wash my hair or take a shower or anything I didn't have time. I had to pull my hair back in a pony tail and have stinky baby formula puke hair all day. Oh my it was lovely. I just felt sooooo bad for the poor baby.
So moral of this blog is: If your Baby is sick do NOT leave it with a babysitter. Stop being selfish and give up your night out or the extra $ you would make working and just STAY HOME!
March 24, 2009
First off Pregnancy:
I have less then 7 weeks now! That is God for bid if she decides to be as stubborn as her parents and wait until after her "due date". I asked my Dr on Thursday during my apt how long he would let me go and he said not a day after 41 weeks. Woohoo! So folks that is May 7th. (not that I am counting or keeping track or anything right?) I'm praying and hoping she will make her appearance sooner then that, sometime between 38-39 weeks would be perfect for me! But we'll see. As long as she is healthy and I can push her out fine that is all I care about. Hopefully she won't have her Father's HUGE head :) hehe. I am so so so so so ready for her to come now. Well, physically I should say. I am so tired and huge and in pain. I'm trying SO hard not to complain and be a horrible pain in the you-know-what but I'm pretty sure I am. Haha. It's getting hard to sleep, laying on my side hurts, I shove pillows all around me but then I get to hot, I'm hot so I take covers off, then I am cold and add them back on. All my pants are to tight and don't fit me (I have been wearing Steve's basketball pants the last 3 days and even left the house in them. Oops), and none of my shirts are long enough to cover my belly. Ha. I've also got Edema or whatever the heck it's called. My feet are officially HUGE and water filled. None of my rings fit anymore :( Which is VERY hard for me. I hate being that "single pregnant" lady. Haha am I crazy or what?? I just feel so naked w/out my wedding ring on but I don't want it to be cut off either so I quit wearing it last week. I digress..............
I had a MAJOR scare this past Friday before work. First off I just have to say that I LOVE getting to know this little person inside of me. She is FULL of personality. She is always awake and most active right around meal times. (I almost always eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same times everyday) She flops all over the place and it's insane. She HATES being woken up or moved if she is hurting me. Yes she LOVES to shove her feet and legs in my sides and ribs and I will move her to a different position because I usually can't handle the pain. She is totally like her Daddy and it's so funny to see the similarities already. I can tell when she is sleeping she is going to want to be LEFT alone and not touched or messed with. Let the princess sleep! So anyways, all that to say that I worked the 9-6 shift Friday at work verses my usual 8-5 shift. So we got to sleep in another hour and I was behind on my breakfast by an hour. Apparently this threw lil miss off. She is most active when I am at work from 8-9:30 and then naps until lunch time around 11:30. Well, she was NOT moving much that morning at all. Not even after I ate breakfast. I was getting really worried. Dr R told me Thursday (the day before) at my apt that she was head down, WAY down and is already starting to engage and get ready for delivery. (woohoo this was the BEST news to me! But also explains the horrible bone pain I have been having and thought maybe it was some kind of weird contractions. Nope just her shoving her head into my pelvis bones spreading them apart. So lovely. But alas at 34 weeks I still have yet to feel any sort of contraction, real or braxton hicks) So I know her position mostly. I can feel what is her back and her butt and what is a leg. After not being able to feel her for over an hour I started going crazy. I called Steve hysterical crying in a panic. He was willing to come home and take me to the ER for a ultra sound (this was at 8:20 and my Dr office doesn't open until 9 other wise I would have just called them), but I said no I would wait and see if she would just move. I pushed and pushed and PUSHED like a mad woman on her back. I was shifting her from my left side to completely over to my right and nothing back. Not even a lil kick. Nothing. I squished my belly, jumped up and down, ate skittles (they say sugar helps them move?? NO? Maybe I just wanted skittles don't judge me), drank a BUNCH of water, went potty, laid down really still, even put ice pack on my belly (she HATES cold. Steve has the coldest hands in America I swear and if he touches my belly with them she twitches. it's hilarious), EVERYTHING I could think of. I was hysterical. I was crying and praying vastly to God to make her move if she was OK other wise I needed a sign to go to the hospital. Well, I decided to go to work and see if she would move then. Once we got in the car and I turned on the radio "I Am A Friend Of God" by Phillips, Craig and Dean came on and I blared it and started singing to her and tapping my belly telling her to move. As soon as I did that I left a foot move over to my hand that was tapping as if to say "I'm here Momma I'm just sleepy and want to be left alone" oh my I LOST it. I could barely see to drive I was crying so hard! I called Steve back and he was totally relived and probably thought I was totally psycho. As soon as I got to my desk there she was flopping around and flipping all over inside of me. I seriously think she was the most active that day that she has EVER been. Before when she would flop around in me and push on me I would whine and complain and tell her to stop and that she was hurting me. NEVER AGAIN. I swear she can do whatever she wants to me as long as she is OK!
So my question to you is now; if I am this psycho and neurotic BEFORE she is here what am I gonna be like when she does actually get here? Oh my! I don't want to be one of those horrible overbaring Mother's that holds her kids hand the whole time on the playground! But I was seriously worried and I know my Girl and her not moving for that long like that is totally odd! OK ya'll pray for me I think I'm gonna need it ;) Haha
Our house is pretty much at a stand still. Steve has had some scares the last couple weeks at work, 3 co workers from his dept got fired and now his boss who was "taking care" of Steve and his job is leaving. :/ It's all in God's hands and I'm really not THAT worried like I normally would be, but we're trying to make good choices financially and be careful w/ our spending. I would LOVE to hire a friend to paint the living room/kitchen/hallways but we decided it can wait until either this fall or even next spring. Bean's nursery is almost complete just need her changing table and some wall decor and she is good to go! Oh plus all the stuff to fill it! She has some clothes and a couple blankets and that is about it! Our shower is in 2 weeks and I am completely stoked! I'm sure I'll feel MUCH more ready after we get some more clothes and bath stuff and bottles and all that good stuff :) I'm getting so excited!!!!
Me and Steve are trying to spend as much time together just the 2 of us as possible and soak it all up before our lives completely change and we never have time to say hi to each other. :) Haha j/k I know we will always make time and have date nights but we know life won't be the same after she is here! I have lots of fun things planned for us over the next couple weeks, movies to rent, places to eat out, and little things around the house to do together. We're going to start scrapbooking pictures of our house being built in all the different stages so hopefully I can stay with it and actually finish a book!
We attended a class last Tuesday night that was taught by the Nurse Prac. in my Dr office. It was called Baby Camp and was just very basic info, what changes your body goes through during pregnancy, labor, and post partum. It was helpful but not a lot of new info that we haven't read in books/online. It was VERY cute though, there were 4 other couples and the men were so into this and asking questions and everything. It was funny. Steve was asking questions about contractions and pain meds and taking notes. It was sooo sweet, he just melts my heart how involved and excited he is. I'm very lucky! We are also taking a Breastfeeding class tonight at the hospital and I am most excited about this. I have a list of questions to ask and I know I will learn a lot. I am not scared of the pain or anything I just really am fixed on this working for us and my daughter having the best chance at a healthy life. :) I'll let ya'll know how it goes! Hehe. I have already warned Steve of the graphic nature of this class and I'm sure we'll both be surprised by things we see and hear.
With out further ado here are some pictures from the last couple weeks!!!
32 weeks and 3 days pregnant and her crib all put together! YAY!
34 weeks and 1 day
March 19, 2009
So I have been a horrible blogger. I know. I am trying to get better. I will plan to write another blog tomorrow and some more next week so stay tuned and please don't leave me!!! Hehe. Since I mainly use this blog for journaling and keeping track of stuff I have decided to bullet all my side effects from this pregnancy. Now please don't think I am complaining I honestly just need to look back and remember! I know once she is here and she is gorgeous and perfect I am going to have to look back and remember the NOT so fun times of pregnancy and having a Baby so I don't go and have 18 like some people! Haha. 6 weeks to go people! AHHHHHHHHHHH!
- Nausea for 12+ weeks
- Dry heaving
- Food cravings
- Food aversions
- Edema (cankles and sausage fingers)
- Nose bleeds
- Heartburn like M A D
- Skin rash/thing on thighs/arms
- Zits, major major break outs
- Bad taste in my mouth 24/7 especially after eating (one of the worst side effects)
- Constipation (sorry but true)
- Killer back pain
- Light headed (i.e. seeing spots all the time, almost blacking out)
- Tired all the time
- Moody, emotional, crying all the time over nothing
- Leg Cramps
I have been the biggest Baby ever during this pregnancy. I whine, moan, complain to anybody and everybody wither they will listen or not! I feel horrible (physically) but mainly just because I should be so excited and the happiest person on the earth! Honestly and truly I am. I am soooooo thankful for this Baby. I thank God everyday for giving her to us and for letting me get to know her and grow her inside of me. I still don't know what the out come will be for us but I know I will always be her Mommy and I will love her more then I have loved anything on this earth! (besides her Daddy) I am also trying to remember that it won't last forever and soon I'm sure I will miss her movements inside of me and be sad. Some of the good things that have happened to me while being pregnant
- Long strong finger nails
- Thicker hair (this is HUGE)
- Clear beautiful skin for about 11 weeks
- Haven't gained to much weight so far
- Feeling her inside of me and getting to know her sweet personality
- Falling in love w/ her Daddy a little more everyday
I'll update more tomorrow and try to include some pictures!!!