May 26, 2009

To my lil Peanut


I can not believe you are going to be 6 weeks old. You are growing up way to fast. It's funny time is flying by and your getting so big, but time sure didn't go this quickly when Mommy was pregnant! You are my sweetie and I think I tell you I love you 897357983873 times a day. I really want/need you to know how much Mommy and Daddy love you and how special and precious you are to us. You were wanted so much and I cry when I think about all I went through to get you here.
You cry a LOT. Your not a very happy Baby :( This made Mommy cry a lot in the beginning, but now I just have to learn what is it you like and what you need. We went to Grandpa and Grandma Sessions house for the first time the other night and you cried the entire time somebody else was holding you but the second Mommy held you, you would quiet down right away and even fell asleep for over an hour! I feel horrible that you cry, I want you to love your Grandparents , Aunts and Uncles and especially your Daddy but secretly it makes Mommy's heart soar that you love me and need me so much! I asked Daddy if it was bad that you only like me and what I should do about it and he said it's fine b/c I went through a LOT to get you here so I need to love you and spend lots of time with you. Yay! :) This made me very happy I had never thought about it like that before.
Grandma S wants to babysit and thinks Mommy and Daddy need to have a night out and I do NOT agree. I can not imagine being away from you for one minute. I think I would call 400 times to check up on you and I would miss you so much. I know eventually I will want to go out alone and on dates again but right now your to little and you need your Mommy. (especially Mommy's woobies. Honestly I don't think you like your actual Mom very much just your food supply. This provides Mom and Dad hours of jokes about how much you only love your food supply)
Your an amazing eater and Mommy can see how much your growing. We weighed you yesterday at Grandpa and Grandma Cramers and we think your over 8 lbs already! That is 2 lbs in 4 weeks! I'm pretty sure you would nurse every hour if I let you, you LOVE to eat and suck. Mommy broke down and bought you a paci (lulu) when you were only 2 weeks old and you love it sometimes and hate it others. I honestly like when you hate it, I don't want you to get attached and I want you to still be a good eater and to not get confused.
I think you are the most gorgeous girl in the whole world and I love all the amazing faces you make and how you are always moving your arms/hands. We think your amazing and brilliant already and I could just watch you for hours.
Your laying on Mommy (your favorite spot) in our moby wrap trying to calm down and sleep listening to our songs on the computer. You seem to like music and Mommy's HORRID singing voice, sometimes it doesn't matter but other times it's calms you down and you are quiet if you've been crying. You especially love the song "Always" by Building 429 which is good cuz I love that song to!

I love you more then words can ever say Bean and I thank God every single night that your here and your safe and healthy. I hope you grow up to be a beautiful woman of God and no matter what Mommy will be proud of you and love you so much!!!!


May 20, 2009

Labor and Delivery part III

OK so my lil Princess is asleep (on her tummy cuz I am the worlds WORST Mother that loves her own sleep and peace and quiet and this is the only way I can get my child to sleep more then an hour at a time. Sue me, and yes I will lie to our pedi about this at our next visit in a couple weeks. HA), so I'll try to continue our story. I apologize if these are totally un readable and horrible b/c I don't have time to write them much less proof read them like I used to! Ya'll are lucky I am spell checking. Ha ha.
OK so we got a new room, which was lovely and had a window, we had TONS of visitors that day. My Mom and brother, my Dad and brother again, my bff Meriam and her cousin who was visiting from Cali, Steve's parents, Steve's brother his wife and 4 kids, and my sis and her hubby! Lots of stimulation! So at 2am after our feeding Bean screamed bloody murder until 4:30am. I cried to a LOT. I tried feeding again, rocking chair, changing her diaper, changing her clothes, in her bassinet thing, a butt load of different positions on me, everything! I finally called the nurse and God bless her she came in and helped me. She made me get Bean naked and hold her on my chest as tight as I could so that she was still breathing. Worked like a friggin charm and we slept for 2 1/2 hours like that. My arms killed and I was totally uncomfortable but I was so happy.
Steve called me in the morning to tell me that he was flat on his back in the living room and COULD. NOT. MOVE. At all. It's a totally LONG story but weeks before I delivered his back was hurting really really bad. It's an even LONGER story how he hurt it. Basically he slipped a disk or SOMETHING bad in high school and it never healed properly. So now it was rearing it's ugly head again, a mere 13 years later. When I give birth. Oh joy. So I told him not to worry about us and just get better and come see us later. He would be able to move after going to the chiropractor or something right?? So he found a chiro that was in our directory of insurance and made an apt for that afternoon. He went and got x-rays and then went back later in the afternoon to review them and get "cracked". This was HUGE. Bigger then we ever could have through. He had a slipped disk and 3 smushed vertebrae. Or something along those lines, honestly I can't remember exactly but it was bad. Also (pardon my non Dr descriptions here), a normal person's spinal cord is curved a lil at the top of your back and then goes straight all the way down. (I think?) His was completely opposite. This was causing his legs to be 3 inches different in size. Holy cow. This was major. I did not get to see my husband for the next 2 days. I almost died. It was horrible. He missed out on SO much bonding time w/ Hailey and I was an emotional wreck. I had my family and his parents come visit me everyday but it was still bad. I was a mess. His Mom ended up having to bring us home from the hospital, and as much as I love her to death and am so eternally grateful for all they did for us I still can't help but feel jipped. It's supposed to be a huge couple/family/loving moment for husband and wife to bring home their first Baby. I came home to a pit hole of a house and a husband laying flat on his back unable to even walk to the bathroom for the next 2 1/2 weeks. :( It was so bad! I literally had to wait on him hand and foot PLUS take care of a newborn PLUS run the house and try to take care of myself! Luckily (PTL) his Dad came everyday to take him to the chiro and a couple times swimming at the YMCA for therapy. Slowly he got better but honestly I think it was one of the hardest times in my life. I don't know how I survived. I won't lie and say I wasn't depressed and I cried A LOT but we got through and omg to see that boy walking upright w/out holding onto the arms of the computer chair (cuz it's on wheels so it was his "walker") was amazing. Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself and curing God I realized what a blessing all the timing was. If Bean hadn't come 2 weeks early and had come on her due date Steve would have had to work instead of be home w/ me those first 2 weeks. And if he had hurt his back 2 weeks before she was born then he would have been out of work for 4 weeks or could have possibly lost his job. How amazing is God's timing? I am still praising him for this. And honestly as bad as it sounds this was all a big blessing in disguise. His back is healing and hopefully if he keeps up w/ it it won't bother him ever again and we will be able to lead somewhat more normal lives w/out worrying "Oh is this going to hurt his back/knees/legs?" YAY! I also learned a lot about myself, I leaned on God SO much for strength and guidance, as well as others. I do NOT ask for help I am a do-it-all-myself kind of person and having to ask people to go grocery shopping for me, and cook us dinner, and do my laundry was especially hard! I am also stronger then I thought. Not to toot my own horn but it was HARD and I am strong and I can handle a lot and not break down! YAY! So now that Daddy is all better and healing and back at work me and Bean take it easy during the day. I try to take naps but honestly we just sleep in WAY late and then lay on the couch most of the day :) It's great!
She is not the easiest Baby. I prayed for MONTHS before she was born for God to give me a happy peaceful Baby that didn't cry and was a good sleeper/eater. He did not give me this at all. I guess he is testing me, and I hope I am passing because I sure am taking to him a LOT and asking him for help and strength. She cries a lot. She is very unhappy in this world. I don't believe in colic but if I did I would say she has it. I think she is just scared and cold and doesn't like it here. She gets over stimulated by all the light and the tv and people's voices it scares her and her brain has a hard time turning off at night. She is getting amazingly better as she gets older and we are limiting outings and visitors which is HARD as heck for this on-the-go-social-as-a-butterfly-girl but we're making it and it's worth it to not have 4 1/2 hour crying fits. Yes one lasted from 6-11:30pm one night. And I was at walmart for an hour of it and came home to a crazy upset Hubby. Poor guy! So we haven't had one of those in almost 2 weeks, she mainly just cries if I wait to long to feed her (oops), or if she is overly tired. I think the longest in the last 2 weeks she has cried is an hour and half. Which is bad but nothing compared to what it was. I am also getting to know her so well and know what she likes and doesn't like, and while it changes daily we're doing better. :)
So I think that pretty much catches you up! Oh her hip didn't form properly. It's hard to explain google "Hip dysphasia" if you want to know more. It's VERY common with first babies and especially girls for some reason, but it still upset me. Basically the ball and socket didn't join together properly in her first couple of weeks so she has to wear a special brace that pulls her legs up and out to the side and basically shoves the ball into the socket where it will then close up properly. If we didn't do this brace she would need surgery and would be in pain her whole life. So we had numerous dr visits, ultrasound, and now this UGLY brace. I cried 3 times the first day she got it, it looks like a body cast but we are used to it now and it doesn't bother her at all and I know it's not hurting her and is for the good in the end. :)
Oh before I forget she was also quite jaundice so if you see pictures of her in her first week she was totally yellow and had bad coloring :( I was a freaking psycho about this. I lost sleep, cried, and almost made myself sick over it. I don't know why, first time Mother thing I guess. I just wanted a perfect Baby, and I thought she was really sick and was so worried about her! I fed her honestly about every hour and a half and sat in the sun for about 2 hours a day. It was bad. But I got her better and she gained almost a pound in a week! :) YAY!
Alright I am out of here. I am almost all caught up on blogs (went from over 500 to 300 b/c I deleted over half the ones I was following on reader. Whoa! Things to do while I was at work :) Ha. Now I am down to 80 so I'm sure I will get through them tomorrow) so I should be back to blogging and commenting more. I love your comments so keep them coming! YAY! Love you all. Pictures coming soon............

May 9, 2009

Labor and Delivery part Duece.....

So I have a million things I SHOULD and COULD be doing but Bean is asleep on me in the sling so I'll try to continue........
So we got to our room which was HUGE and gorgeous and I started having contractions every 3 minutes and my blood pressure went down to 111/77 the lowest it's been in probably 3 months. Ha. Totally weird, once my body knew she was coming in the next 24 hours I started labor on my own and my b/p went down. God is good!
So my contractions we're sporadic, 3-6 minutes apart then sometimes even 20 minutes apart, they were painful but again nothing I couldn't handle. Then they stopped completely. I was fine w/ that but apparently you need them to have a Baby? Ha. So I had to walk. So Steve took a nap and I had to walk the tiny L/D floor for 45 minutes. Do you know how stupid I felt walking the same path every 3 seconds?? People in their rooms were looking at me like I was crazy cuz I must have walked by them 468 times. The floor was seriously way to small for all that walking! lol. Oh PLUS my big pet peeve, I left work in such a hurry and freaking out that I LEFT my iPod. OMG I was seriously dying. I tried and tired to talk Steve into going to my desk and getting it but he swore if he left Hailey would come shooting out of me. Whateva I needed my music! Ha. It would have made walking MUCH nicer. Anywho sorry I'm done now. So I walked and had some contractions but nothing like you see on TV where the women have to lean on the wall and stuff, nope I was just walking like normal. I even lapped a girl who was walking to recover from a c-section. Ha. So I got back in bed and they checked me and I was STILL at 2cm. This was like 5 hours after they first checked me. I was NOT happy. So they called Dr Reed and he said I could walk and try to labor myself for another 2 hours and if I didn't progress he was putting me on pitocin. I did NOT want anything dripping into my system. I was mad enough about a regular IV and the fact that I had that stupid Strep B crap going in me. The IV honestly was probably worse then any contraction I had. It was in my wrist and it killed! I was pissed. Ha. So I didn't get any stronger contractions and by 5pm I was only dilated to 3cm. So they started pitocin. They started it off at 2 which I don't know what that means except he higher the number the more medicine is going into your IV which means worse/stronger contractions. It sucked. The nurse said I wouldn't feel the effects of the Pit for at least an hour or 2. Ha. 15 minutes later my stomach is burning every 3 minutes and my contractions are off the monitor. It sucked. And every 30 minutes she turned up the pump by increments of 2. By the time Lori's shift was over at 7, and my night (and delivery nurse) Maria came my pit was at like 8. God Bless Maria I cussed at her everytime she turned the Pit up. It was finally at 14 I think when I delivered. The last 3 hours of contractions were horrible. It felt like somebody was building a mountain on my belly, the pressure on my belly was INSANE. I do not know how to describe it, but I'm assuming everybody reading this has had a child before and knows the pain I am talking about. I absolutely refused an epidural, no way no how was somebody sticking needles in my back making me numb. Gross I would die. My only other choice was something w/ a C that would "take the edge off between the contractions" um I was Ms Personality between contractions, talking and laughing and joking but when I HAD a contraction I wanted to die. And it didn't help at all DURING them?? Then no thank you. I think I asked 293018 times if it would help DURING and they said no. Plus one dose of it lasted like an hour, and the first would work well, but after that they stop working as well. So what is the flippin point? I could be here all night!!!
So my parents and brother came and stared at me while I was dying in pain. LOL. Then my BFF Nikki came and she helped a lot. She distracted me and rubbed my back. She helped me get on the birthing ball which was AMAZING, but lil Peanut didn't care for the ball and her heart rate was going WAY down when I was on it, so back in bed on my back it was :( Finally at like 9:30-10pm I started feeling super duper naouchus and like I had to have a major poop. Some other random nurse came in w/ Maria and told me I needed to start pushing. When Maria checked me at 9pm I was 7cm, she checked me again at 10 and I was full 10cm and her head was way down so I was ready to push. They called Dr Reed and he was on his way and told them to have me start pushing and see how I was doing. So they get all their junk set up and my bed torn apart and my feet up in stirrups and tell me to push. I had NO flippin idea what I was doing but it hurt. Like hell. I was using handles to hold onto to help but I was still just pushing in my face. Dr Reed got there with in 10 minutes (praise the Lord I was deathly afraid I would have to "hold" the child in until he came, uh yeah NOT me), and killed me even MORE with his "message" junk he was doing. Holy cow that hurt worse then any contraction on Pit I had been having! That was horrible. So I'm pushing and pushing and pushing, they keep moving my legs, and telling me different things to focus on during my pushing, and how to use the handles properly but nothing. Everytime I would have a good push her lil head would start to come down and then after the contraction would just shoot way back up. It was so frustrating. I felt like I was failing majorly. I couldn't push hard enough to keep her head down and just get it out. I was SO deadly tired. It was horrible. I hadn't eaten since 6:30 am (why oh WHY didn't I have some Pringles before I left work?? Or a rice krispy treat or something???), and it was now 11:30pm, this was also the time that the Heartburn kicked in. Yes my lil friend that had been MIA due to some amazing meds Dr Reed gave me was back in full force. I am guessing because my uterous was pushing so hard up on my stomach it was making me have horrid acid reflux. In between every contraction/push I would vomit acid and burp. Of course Steve thought nothing of it since he has seen me in this state 67865243 times before, but Nikki, Maria and Dr Reed were freaking out. They were making fun of my burps an Dr Reed was really worried about me. I NEEDED my meds! Oddly enough as soon as she came out bam the heartburn was gone and I have not had it since!
After over an hour of pushing and even using a mirror so I could see her head coming down, they starting talking about forceps. OMG I freaked. I have heard such horror stories about those bruising the head, and puncturing through the skull and holy cow I lost it. Dr Reed even opened a pack and HAD the forceps in his hand I just started pushing like the dickens. Steve was counting and Nikki was screaming in my face to bare down and push. I was finally able to see her head actually coming out and I was screaming for the life of me for Dr Reed to get her out. I think I was able to push 2 more times and he finally kinda reached up in me and grab her out.
Without explaining TO much basically my tail bone is 2-3 inches longer then normal people's and it's curved in towards my body, so Hailey's head was basically stuck on my tail bone and that is why it wasn't coming down. Holy moly was my tailbone bruised. It hurt to sit, lay, get up, walk, for about 5 days. It was horrible. But I know I am lucky and have friends that have broken their tailbone in labor so at least mine was only bruised and got better quickly.
Also poor little Peanut had the cord around her neck :( Oddly enough this was something I had been praying about for weeks previously. I was so worried about cord stuff it wasn't even funny. Dr Reed said it wasn't tight and she wasn't in any danger but it was big and bulky around her head, thus making it harder to come out. Basically Dr Reed pulled (and ugh pushed from the other end) her head out, completely turned her lil body around inside of me to get the cord off and pulled the rest of her out because I was so completely exhausted I had nothing left inside of me.
So she was finally born at 12:33am on 4-16. I was technically in labor for 18 hours but I really only say it was 7, which was when they started the pitocin. I could have done the other 11 hours myself just fine I was in barely any pain, but that Pit junk was hell!
So she came out with a horrible bruised cone head, screaming and crying her lungs out. They put her on my chest and honestly I was so tired I had no emotion. I kept asking if she was OK and saying she was gorgeous, Steve was next to me crying and an emotional mess but I was in so much pain I couldn't compute what had just happened. They took Hailey and cleaned her and all the nurses just commented on how gorgeous she was.
Meanwhile Dr Reed got to stitch me up which was fantastic because I wasn't completely numb from the novocaine so I could FEEL them, then them pushing on my belly to shrink the uterus was AMAZING to. Holy cow. I just sat there and cried in pain. All I wanted was to hold and feed my Baby and here I was in even MORE pain then any contraction! Oy it was horrible! So finally they were done with me, Hailey got a 8 on all her tests, they took off 1 point for her skin color (which we learned later she was way jaundice), but other wise she was perfect and tiny! She was only 6lbs 6oz which was TINY compared to what I was thinking she would be, but she was also 2 weeks early!
I sent Nikki home, Steve to get me some food from the cafeteria, and sent a text to some of my girlfriends. Finally I sent Steve home to bed at like 4 am to sleep, we were both so dead. I don't remember that first night at all, except that I LOVED Maria and my Baby was gorgeous and amazing and I never wanted to put her down!

Still to come:
My husband breaks his back, and screaming for 3 hours in the middle of the night at the hospital

May 8, 2009

Labor and Delivery.......

So not sure if this will be in parts or if I'll be able to get it all down in one post. Peanut is asleep but I can hear her moving on the monitor and Lord knows as soon as I try to get something done she is awake and wants to eat! So bear with me..........

**this will be graphic and loads of TMI so fare warning for all you men or non-mother's out there. I won't hold back details. This is for me to remember especially when I say I want another child I will come and read this and remember! HA**

Let's see I guess I'll start at the weekend before she was born. We went to my parents Saturday night to celebrate Easter. I started having contractions during dinner. They sucked and hurt but honestly I've had worse PMS cramps before. They were over after a couple hours and I didn't have anymore all day Sunday. (which I was upset about because even though I was early I was miserable and READY for this Baby to come out of me) I had some strong ones Monday at work, and when I went to my Dr for my weekly check up he said I was only 2 cm dilated and he was going to make me wait another 2 weeks before he would "kick start" anything for me :( So I went home fat, swollen, and miserable. We put together the changing table that night and I started bleeding. My Dr said I would but it still freaked me out. I barely got any sleep those last couple nights I was so huge and uncomfortable and Bean would get the hiccups almost every night I swear it was so annoying!!! So Tuesday came and went (don't remember anything) and Tuesday night I slept amazing. I got over 9 hours of straight sleep. I didn't wake up once even to pee. I swear God knew I needed my rest. I woke up slightly less swollen then usual, no headache, feeling amazing. I was walking to the bathroom to take a shower and felt something leak out of me. Now I'm not stupid I knew I didn't pee myself. It felt just like normal "discharge" and kinda freaked that maybe my water broke but honestly I wasn't even 38 wks yet and just KNEW this baby would be late not 2 weeks early. So I get in the shower and I feel more "stuff" leaking out of me. Whatever. So I go and make myself a bowl of oatmeal and when I sat down I felt a pretty big gush of whatever fluid was coming out of me. So I run to the bathroom, and come out and tell Steve. Of course his answer was not to go to work and just sit and wait for the Dr office to open and then call them. Well, I felt amazing I wasn't going to go to work all those days I felt so crappy and could barely make it through and then stay home the 1 day I feel great! So I went to work and nothing came out of me for the next hour and a half. When Dr Reed's office opened at 8:30 I called and talked to Katie. She said my water broke and to get my bag and go to the hospital. I FREAKED. You should have seen my manager’s face when I told her I was in labor. lol. It was hilarious she was so freaked out! I was shaking and could barely walk to my car. I had already called Steve and told him to meet me there. Now here is the weird part. He had a meeting at one of the First National Warehouses at 9 so he was still home and able to get my bag and everything all together and meet me at the hospital. Verses coming from work and being totally un-prepared. It seriously was a blessing, God's timing is so awesome!
So I called my Mom and 2 of my best friends and told them what was up and that I would let them know when it was confirmed weither or not it was labor. There was still a big chance I would get sent home. So I get to the hospital (after driving the wrong way for awhile I was so freaked out lol), and was told there are no rooms available and they are all booked. OK seriously?? I was so worried I was going to have to go to a different hospital or something weird. So I sat in a chair in the waiting room area and leaked more fluid. Haha.
So they put me in one of the prep/recovery rooms in the OR for c-sections. So it was like a 8X8 square with only curtains. So private and lovely! But at least I didn't get sent home or to another hospital right?? So finally Steve arrives and they put me on monitors and the Baby was great but I was not having any contractions and my blood pressure was still elevated. They decided to test my fluid and see if I was just having discharge (which the nurse said was most likely that my body was just cleaning out and getting ready for birth. She said this happens in the last 2-3 weeks of pregnancy. NOT what I wanted to hear), or if it was amniotic fluid. So she tested me and we waited the longest 30 minutes of my life. We prayed, and joked, Steve went and got food (which I was NOT happy about since they wouldn't let me eat until we knew what was going on), and I cried thinking that I was gonna have to go back to work! Well, Lori (the head nurse who got assigned to me. Yay! She was amazing and I LOVED her) came in and said it was my water and we got booked! We had to stay in the curtain room for another 3 hours until a delivery room was available. So crazy! The hospital was so over booked they had 5 girls on another floor recovering and nurses had to go between floors. Isn't that crazy???
OK Peanut is awake so I'll finish another day! Hopefully I can do some more tomorrow but it might be another 2 weeks! HA

May 6, 2009


Hailey Elaine Sessions arrived 4-16-2009 at 12:33 AM. She was 6 lbs 6 oz 19" long. She is perfect and beautiful and for ths most part doing great!
I know I am 3 weeks late and I have sooooooooo much to write about and update but here are some quick pictures. My goal the rest of this week/weekend is to start writing her birth story out. It was quite dramatic, ha and I want to get it all down while I still remember most of it. Sorry for being MIA I promise I'll try to be back soon! Being a Mommy is the hardest most tiring job ever and I prefer naps on the couch w/ my princess to blogging right now but slowly I am getting back to my normal self :) Love to you all!
Couple minutes after her Birth
Ugh looking like and feeling like crap but super happy and emotional!
This is her "I'm not sure I wanna be awake but your telling me to eat" face. We call it her Pirate Face she does it all the time and I love it. Cracks me up!

Daddy's favorite picture

Mommy's Favorite, I love when she sleeps like this. So peaceful!