*Disclaimer this will be a "heavy" post, which I haven't branched out and done yet so be fore warned!
So I know I am going out a limb and freaking out over nothing. Bare with me. I am a Drama Queen, love to do my "what if's" about a million times a day (ask my hubby. Sorry Steven you know I love you), and generally think too much. Honestly it hurts to think and be as retarded as I am sometimes. Before I confuse you anymore and go off into oblivion I'll start over........
I finally was able to figure some of this blog stuff out! I have been trying for the past 2 months to figure out how to get friends linked on my page. Although I don't really have any friends on here I still wanted to be able to when the time arose! I have become a total blog stalker. Seriously it's an addiction. I probably have over 20 blogs I regularly check on a daily basis at work. Some of which I have linked on the side of our blog. *I must input here I work at a bank, there for most things are blocked from us at work, limiting websites I can visit. Blogspot just happens to be un-blocked at the moment. If they decide to block it from me I might have a mental break down, seriously I don't know how I would pass the time even though I was able to without it 4 months ago.* Working a 9 hour shift in the most boring job in the world gives me plenty of time to read blogs. I am a good blog reader I go allllllllll the way back to 2006 or whatever when people started their blogs and read their whole life story from that point until recent. I must admit and think what you want about me but I have fallin in love with the most beautiful amazing woman that have lost children/babies. I have learned a lot about different diagnoses I never knew about before. All these women are so amazing and have such a love for God. I really feel that God put them in my life (even though they don't have a clue I exist) to strengthen my walk with him. I am so grateful for my life, my problems seem so piddly and I have so much to thank him for on a daily biases. Which brings me to my next point. We are trying to get pregnant, actively. Would God give us more then we can handle?? Could I handle a miscarriage, still birth, losing a baby after only living with us for 50 or even 2 some odd days??!? Things I question and think about a lot especially when I visit the blogs of these amazing woman.Which brings me to my next point. One of the totally weird girls in my office comes to work yesterday (which I must insert here that even though I say she is weird I don't feel one way or another about her. She is a nice person but I don't really know a thing about her. She is part time so we only are "together" for about 4 hours a day. She sits and does her homework on her computer while listening to her iPod and NOT answering calls which makes me upset but whatever she gets away with it) and tells us that her sister who is currently living in Australia called her last night (Thursday night) to tell her she is pregnant again. The way she said it we could tell this was obliviously not a good thing. When the sister told her husband she was expecting he got VERY upset and was mad and said he didn't even want to father the 2 children they currently have. Who says that?!?! Doesn't he know what a blessing children are?!? Doesn't he know that there are loving amazing people who are trying trying trying to get pregnant and can't, and he can just easily "lay" with his wife and conviece a child?!?!?! There are women and men who have had their heart full of love for a child, dream about molding it into an awesome God loving person and try their best to show it the world the way Jesus would have lived only to have them taken from them?!?! I really have no patience for ignorant people. I almost cried at my desk I was so upset. Who says something like that??? Is he going to walk out on his wife and children only because he is un-happy with his current life and can not stand the thought of another child being brought into the house? Ugh I am sick. I know I am naive and there are a lot of people like there out in this world it just breaks my heart when I hear about them. Please pray for this family, pray God will change his heart and make this man a loving husband and father. Also pray for one of my friends who found out this past weekend she is pregnant again and it's not the best timing or situation right now for her to have another child. (in my opinion) Pray for all the women who have lost a child, this is more heartache then I can ever imagine. And lastly when God is ready would bless us with a child we could raise and bring us to be a man/woman of God. For I know the child will only be ours on earth but God's eternally. Thanks for letting me rant and rave and if anybody actually reads it for not thinking I am absolutely insane! Love to all
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