January 28, 2012

Photo shoot

So my bestie and neighbor Eve took these AMAZING pictures 6 days after Ellie was born. I LOVE all of them but here are just a couple! :) I haven't been as good about taking pictures of Ellie as I was Hailey (for obvious reasons) but in my defense Hay never got a newborn photo session so hopefully they are even ;)

January 22, 2012

Birthmas-take 2

So I don't know where I left off and I am too lazy to go back and read and see. But I pushed the baby girl out, they put her on my chest and I remember crying and being in horrible pain. I looked over at Steve and he was a crying mess. It was funny. He was more emotional about the girls birth's then I was! Judge me and say what you want but I am not one of those Mom's who immediately bonds with their baby and gushes over how gorgeous and in love w/ them they are. I am in a horrible immense amount of pain and I'm not really in a good mood. Maybe if I had an epidural or pain meds and was drugged and didn't feel as much as I did it would be different. Give me an hour and I am freaking over how gorgeous they are and kissing them and telling them how much I love them. But I'm just not emotional and do not react at all how I think I would. I'm just in pain and crabby. lol. It's weird.
Anywho after she came out I looked at Megan and Lydia and told them her name was ELLIE MARIE. I just LOVE her name and it was so hard to keep it secret for so long! OK so I told 2 people, my neighbor/close friend and my bff in Pittsburgh who I like never get to talk to. lol. But I knew neither of them would tell anybody and I was right :) I was excited to see how big she was, we all guessed her weighted while I was holding her up. I said 7 lbs 4 oz, Lydia said 7/11 and I don't remember if nurse Deb, Steve or Megan chimed in but I think they did. I think Steve said 6 something. So nurse Jen (Ellie's baby nurse, who did all her testing she was AMAZING and I soooo wanted her to be our night nurse when Deb left but alas was not) brought in the scale and they put her on it, Steve was holding my hand (as I was in DYING Pain from all the after birth crap torture they do to you) and was blocking my view when they put her on. Everybody gasped and freaked out and Lydia yelled at them to reset the scale because it SURELY wasn't right. I was so confused, and Lydia looked at me wide eyed and said it said she was 8# 5oz, EXCUSE ME? So they reset it and put her on but this time it said 8 POUNDS 6 OUNCES. That is exactly 2 pounds more then her sister! Holy cow! And I felt every pound of her! Ha. I was seriously in shock she was that big!

**Side note, Kate who said at my apt a couple weeks before that she was sure this baby was 8 lbs by looking at me then felt my belly and said she was wrong and she was only about 7 lbs was on call the next day and came in my room to check on me. We ended up talking for over an hour and she told me she totally lied about how big she thought the baby was. She said she thought I was going to have an anxiety attack if I knew the baby was that big. Hilarious! I love her to death she is so sweet and amazing. We laughed for a long time after that, and Lydia discharged me on Tue and I told her the story and we laughed so hard.

So everything after her birth is kind of a blur. I called Jess in Chicago, Steve called his parents in Michigan, and my parents, Nat and Hailey came up to the hospital about 2 hours after Ellie was born. Big sister was seriously overwhelmed and had a hard time. She didn't want anything to do with me but did love Ellie and held her a couple times. It was pretty sweet. I felt so bad though and wished I was "normal" and able to do more with her. Steve took her home soon after and it was just me, Meg and Ellie. Steve called me a little bit later and Hailey was freaking out screaming and crying in the car. I talked to her and calmed her down but I cried pretty hard after we hung up. It was HARD, my first night ever away from her and she was not doing well. She ended up being OK and doing great for Daddy. The 2 of them spent the next 2 days home alone together and did great. She took naps and went to bed like a champ. It was great and made me feel better.
So Ms Ellie went to the nursery to get her bath while I took one, and get all checked out. She wasn't holding her body temp very well so she was under the warmer for a little while and they wanted to watch her. FINALLY at like 10:15pm we got all settled into our post pardom room and I nursed her and chatted w/ Meg. Meg left and I tried to sleep but couldn't. We had an awful nurse Alana who was crass and grumpy and made the night not so fun. Oh well. The next day was great, the only people that visited were Mom, Nat, and Meg. It was stressful though b/c Ellie still wasn't holding her body temp and they were worried she was getting jaundace. It's a long complicated story but Kate told me the reason they were freaking out about her body temp was b/c I had strep B and it could have passed to Ellie. She was holding steady at like 96 degrees and they wanted her above 97. I of course freaked out, especially when Kate told me they would have to put her in the nicu for 7-10 days to start antibiotics if she didn't get it up soon. Oh my! Luckily later that night it shot up to 98 and held there the rest of the time. Little stinker already worrying her Momma! Ha.
Of course she ended up jaundice like her sister and had this Momma freaked out nursing as much as I could! It subsided but not until she was about 3 weeks. Her pedi wasn't too worried though and I just prayed about it lots and wasn't as hyper about it as I was with Hailey :)

Luckily everything else was great! B/c of how jaundice she was she didn't wake up much the first 2 weeks of her little life. I struggled to wake her to eat every 3 hours. It was scary! I tried everything! But the 3rd week she really "WOKE UP" so to speak, I think just life in general! She decided she hated life! She wanted to eat every hour on the hour and this Momma was tired and stressed! I think we settled now, she is super duper impatient if she is hungry and wants to eat NOW. If you make her wait 2 seconds to change her diaper she lets you know about it! :) Reminds me of a couple other people I live with in this house.........lol. She also fights sleep like her sister did but not half as bad. She is a little high maintenance but I can lay her down awake and she will fall asleep. I don't know what to do w/ that! It's glorious! We have had some long days and nights but she is a joy more then anything. God answered my prayers with this baby!

So my girl is now a month old (started this and didn't quite get to finish it. Such is my life now!) and while I LOVE my girls more then anything and they are SUCH blessings they also are a LOT of work! I broke down last night b/c Ellie had a horrible night and cried from 4:30pm-9pm. Plus Hailey finally decided she hated sitting in wet diapers and wanted to change her own diaper 4 times in an hour the other day. Not to say she wants to use the potty, but she is now forced to do so b/c this Momma can NOT afford that many diapers. So yeah we're potty training on top of having a wailing newborn, and a very demanding toddler. Oy vey! But this is life and I love it and wouldn't change it. As hard as the days are (one of my most favorite things to say is; "The days may be long but the years are short." And boy do I know that is true!) I know it's a season and soon I will want another newborn (not happening) and will miss the baby days! But I am excited for Ellie to be like 10 months, crawling, blabbing, getting into things, smiling and interacting w/ all of us. THAT age for sure I will miss and cry over! Some other random things I want to note before I post lots of pics of my gorgeous girls! (I will never ever get tired of saying "my girls!" ;)

*you totally forget how gross, yellow, and staining baby poop is
*you also forget how you change a diaper, only for them to poop in it 3 seconds later! I think one day I went through 4 diapers in a 2 minute time period. Seriously
*you ALSO forget how they shoot poop everywhere. Thank GOD for these handy changing pad things from Huggies. <3 them
*Night feedings SUCK. I can barely keep my eyes open. Soooooo hard for this Momma
*Ms Thang on the other hand thinks night feedings are great and loves to be cute and awake causing Momma to just sit and stare at her and talk to her. I'm trying to take it all in since this is the last baby an all.......
*nobody told me Hailey would be into every.single.baby.thing.in.this.house. She has destroyed Ellie's closet/changing table/carseat like 394820498 times. VERY frustrating for me.
*Hailey thinks it's her job to put all the straps on everything of Ellie's together. So when I go to put E in the swing/bouncy seat/car seat I have to first dangle E while I un-do the straps. I was warned about this but it still makes me mad and we're working on it.........
*why oh why do babies need you the most at 5:30pm when your trying to get dinner ready?? Sooo annoying!

Now on with the pictures...........

My not-so-little Christmas Blessing!!

Sister's meeting for the first time

With amazing Aunt Megan!!

January 7, 2012


So I've been MIA, obviously my little sweet miracle is here. I need to blog her birth story and the days before/after it will be long and boring but I want to remember every minute of everything. We'll see how long this takes me to get it all down and how many parts I break it up to. Anywho.........
MAJOR MAJOR TMI. Even worse then Hailey's birth story!!! Sorry in advance.........this is really only for me and my memory!!

So I'll start with one of the biggest parts of the story that has nothing to do with me and my pregnant self.
On Tuesday the 20th I got a frantic phone call from my Mom. That in itself is a big deal since she is always level headed and it takes a lot to get her riled up. She was saying that my brother was not feeling well the last couple weeks and went on to tell me all his weird symptoms and what was going on. I was confused and had no idea what was going on until she told me he hadn't had pop/caffeine in over 2 weeks. I thought he was just detoxing from the evil drug that is caffeine. It can do weird things to your body. The only thing that threw me off was he had a huge hard brick in his stomach. Seriously?? It was creepy. They came over to play w/ Hailey for a little bit and hang out and he was totally NOT himself and looked horrible. Long story short, the next day I got a call from my Mom and she ended up taking Andy to the DR and they ordered an ultrasound for him later that day. We were all super worried. It could have been a tumor, hernia, infection, or number of other things. I was a mess and prayed and prayed. Basically I could handle ANYTHING but a tumor. I finally got a call from my sister later that night and it turns out not only did he have a hernia but the "brick" in his stomach was a infected mass the size of a grapefruit. NOT good. He ended up going in for an emergency cat scan after the ultrasound to confirm the findings. They decided not to do anything that night and send him for outpatient surgery the next day with a specialist at a different hospital. Since he doesn't currently have a job OR health insurance this was supposed to be the better/cheaper way to go about it.
So Thursday they go to a consult with the surgeon and he says they are doing the surgery that night at 5:30 and admit him. Of course the surgery gets pushed way back and he doesn't end up going in until like 8pm. Long story short before the surgery a tech came in, and said he isn't sure how Andy is alive, much less walking and talking and no fever. He said with the mass of infection that size he should be VERY VERY sick. Crazy.
So they had to make a 10" incision, push his hernia back in, and remove the grapefruit size infected mass. They have no idea where the infection came from or how it started. They think it was there for a few weeks, and if he had left it untreated much longer it could have been VERY very bad. The surgeon who has done 1000's of these surgery's was totally perplexed. He had never seen anything like it. I guess Brother is a medical mystery!!! Weirdness runs in the family what can I say.......
So after all that drama he was admitted to the hospital and told he will NOT be leaving for awhile to make sure he stays safe from infection and heals properly. So Christmas in the hospital was NOT in the plans :( I was quite upset but knew we were lucky he didn't have tumor/cancer and it wasn't a big deal we would celebrate later. So Friday night I was finally able to go up to the hospital to see him. I was feeling great and visited for a couple hours and then went home to put Hay to bed.
Andy was stuck in the hospital until Monday when he got discharged. It was insane, my poor parents running all over the place. He is going to have a lovely hefty hospital/Dr bill but it will all get taken care of, and I am amazed by how much God's hand and protection was over the whole situation. Crazy! He is doing better now, not 100% but getting there!

So all that to say it didn't DIRECTLY effect me, my family yes. It was stressful and horrible. But we survived. It is all tangled into my birth story though. And something I will always remember and want to remember details one day!

So now onto my little princess..........starts at my 38 week apt. I saw yet another new midwife (there are 6 in the practice, 5 of which could deliver you. I eventually saw all 6 by the time I delivered but was kinda psycho about meeting them all first before delivery) Kate. While talking to her she told me based on my belly size she guessed the baby to be over 8 lbs. I freaked out. I was like no way I am not pushing out a 10 lb kid! She then felt the baby and said she changed her mind and thought it was more like low 7's. We laughed about it. My last couple of apts were depressing, nobody was very positive I would deliver before my due date and they even set up induction apts for Jan 13th. It was a blow and I was super upset every apt I left. I would call poor Steve crying.
So my 39 week apt (Friday the 23rd) I saw yet another new midwife Anita. I decided to have her check me and see if I was making any progress, and I decided to go out on a limb and ask to have my membranes swept. I was under the assumption that they wouldn't do that until I had gone past my due date. Well, I was WRONG! Thank GOD for Anita. She checked me and I was only at like a 1. She "stretched" me to a 3 and swept. OMG worst pain ever!! I was crying. I finally told her to stop. She made me bleed and said that was a good sign! When I left she asked if I was cramping and I said no and she said oh darn! Ha. She said she hoped I did soon as that would be a good sign it worked and the baby was coming soon! Boy did those cramps start. About 45 minutes after I left my apt I was having horrible period type cramps for about 3 hours.
Thank GOD Nat & Brian were off work, they were able to come stay w/ Hay during my apt since Mom was at the hospital w/ Andy. Like I said I went to the hospital that night and was feeling good, just tired from not sleeping the last couple nights and being huge and uncomfortable.

Saturday morning (Christmas Eve the 24th) I woke up feeling pretty good. Didn't sleep much that night but what else was new. Me and Hailey took a shower and I talked to my neighbor Eve about going to Target together to grab a couple things. I tried to eat some cereal for breakfast and it made me totally nauseous and I felt like I was about to puke everywhere. All the sudden I started having these HORRIBLE cramps super duper low in my pelvis. It was killer. I laid in bed on my side and they would not subside. Now mind you I don't really know what REAL contractions feel like since with Hailey I had pitocin and my body never really contracted on it own. So I had no idea what was going on, I just knew I was in horrible pain. Then I started shaking like mad. I remember that was exactly how I felt right before I had to push Hailey out. Shaking and nauseous. So I freaked. I called Eve and she said to go to the hospital. I still wasn't sure so I did what every girl does; called my Mommy. lol. She said that was exactly how she felt when I was born. Not really real contractions, shaking, and sick and I was born in an hour and half. So I freaked. I called the nurses line, it's SUPER annoying. You get a receptionist who asks you 3904832084 stupid questions. Then she sends your info off to a nurse who is on call at the hospital, they call you back and ask you the SAME 39402834 questions the other lady just asked. Really?? THEN if they deem it important enough they have one of the midwives call you back. So over an hour later Lydia finally calls me back. She was hesitant to have me come in, I don't think she thought I was in labor. Until I mentioned I was shaking uncontrollably. That is a major sign of needing to push so she told me to come in. So I called Nat and she came back over AGAIN. I felt so bad using my family when Andy was in the hospital and every one was all over the place and stressed out. But Steve's parents were in Michigan for Christmas. The only other good thing was that Megan made it from Denver so she met us up at the Hospital after we got there. I got admitted and of course by this time was feeling much better. Long story short Lydia (who was one of my FAVORITES I met at one of my earlier apts) checked me and I hadn't changed at all from my Friday apt. Seriously?? So she made me walk (NO stopping) for over an hour and drink loads of water. I did stairs like a mad woman and didn't stop moving except to get more water. And nothing. No more shaking, or cramps or anything. So after an hour of walking and stairs she checked me and no change. So I got sent home. :( I honestly never thought I would be THAT lady in labor who gets sent home. But since I was pretty much induced with Hailey and my body never got to do anything naturally on it's own I had no idea what real labor was or felt like. So it was kinda like my first pregnancy in my defense. lol.
So we hurried home and Meg went back to her Dad's. Hay was up from her nap and totally confused. We ended up going over to Nat's and then going to the hospital to eat dinner and kinda celebrate my Dad's birthday. I told him I tried to get the Baby out for his birthday but she wasn't having it ;) So we eat dinner and I start feeling like crap. Like I honestly thought I was getting the flu. Shaking and cold, my face was super bright red and I felt hot, I was super weak and nauseous again. It was horrible. Luckily for me Andy was sitting up in a chair eating his hospital food so I just laid in the hospital bed. lol. I felt bad using the bed but I couldn't sit or do anything and be comfortable. It was so bad. I've never felt so sick in my life. We opened a couple presents and I took Hailey home at like 8. I came home and had a migraine and still felt horrible. I put Hailey down for bed like 30 minutes early in hopes that I could go to bed and get some rest to feel better. Of course this is the night the child poops and wakes up 3 times crying and won't go to bed. She FINALLY is asleep and quiet and I am able to fall asleep at 10pm. So much for going to bed early. So I slept pretty good and hard until 11:30pm when I woke up with a small gush of water and soaking wet panties. I freaked out and knew my water was leaking. I didn't get any on the bed so I knew it wasn't a full on break, just a leak like it had been with Hailey. I also knew and had thought about it since I found out I was pregnant that if this happened again I wasn't going to rush off to the hospital right away like I did w/ Hailey, I wanted to stay home and start labor on my own. (I had been told by 2 different midwives in the office that they had time limits to get the baby out after your water broke. That worried me and I did NOT want a c-section or pitocin) So I went and changed my pants and woke Steve. He of course said to try to sleep more and see what happened. So off I went to bed with new panties and a pad on. Not even 2 minutes later those are soaked. I ended up going commando and using a towel between my legs. From 11:30pm-6:50am I went through 4 towels I was leaking so much. It was horrible. At about 2:30am the horrible low cramps started again. I tried to time them but it was kinda a joke. I would go 10 minutes w/out one, then have some 2 minutes apart. It was crazy. So at like 2:45 I woke Steve up again and told him I was contracting and hurting pretty bad and thought I should call and see what Lydia thought (lucky for me she was on call Christmas Day too!). He told me to wait until the morning and see what was going on then. FINE! lol. I wasn't to happy, as his little butt went back to sleep. Ha. So I called Megan. I didn't want to call my Mom and wake her up, not knowing if she was home or at the hospital and knowing she needed sleep! Meg said the same thing as Steve and to just wait until the morning. Didn't these people know I was in pain?!??! Ha. So I laid there and tried my hardest to sleep. I think I drifted in and out until like 6am at which time I couldn't wait any longer and finally caved and called the STUPID nurses line at 6:50am. I considered calling L&D and just asking for Lydia or a nurse but I decided to be proper and tell the stupid lady the answers to her 3940823948 questions that I already answered the day before. Sure enough I answered all her stupid questions only to have to wait for a stupid nurse to call me back and ask the SAME 39408234908 questions. (can you tell I hate this policy?? lol) Only this time I got a call right away back from the nurse, imagine that Christmas Day at 7am there isn't a wait. lol. So I talked to the nurse and luckily she had a brain and just put me on hold and called Lydia, she came back on the line and told me I was having a baby today and to go to the hospital! I was so excited. So I quick called Meg and told her to come over and follow us there. I woke Steve up and we made a plan for my Mom to come stay w/ Hay. Luckily she was at the hospital w/ Andy already so she was awake and dressed and like 10 minutes away. Of course then my husband decided to eat a lovely breakfast, AND take a shower. Don't even get me started. lol. Even my Mom was yelling at him to hurry up! It was funny. And I was of course doing dishes and cleaning my house. Isn't that what every woman in labor does?? So we finally got to the hospital at like 8:45am and got all checked in. So after we got settled in the room Lydia came back in and checked me and I was at a 4. I thought for sure after all the fluid I had lost and how many cramps/contractions I had I would be further along. But nope not my luck.

**Also I have to add when I went in on Christmas Eve my heart rate was like 121. Normal resting heart rate is like in the high 80's low 90's. So it was high but they weren't TOO worried. Every time she took it (4 or 5 times) it was in the 120's. I think the highest it got on the 24th was 127. On Christmas Day when they took it the first time it was like 130. Our AMAZING nurse Deb was super excited, she used to be an icu nurse and wanted to track me and put some weird probes on me and took it again. It came back even higher then the first time. Lydia came in laughing and said I was crazy and they ordered an EKG! Wow how exciting! Megan of course was totally fascinated and thought this was exciting too! Ha. Of course again since it was Christmas nobody was in the hospital so the guy was there in like 3 minutes. He hooked up different/more probes and took the test, I watched his screen and although I had no idea what I was looking at I think it topped out at 112. Why it dropped I have no idea. So funny. Again I am a medical mystery!! lol. Skipping ahead, after labor I took a bath and got dressed and sat down and the new nurse Donna took my blood pressure/heart rate and it came back at a whopping 150! LOL. It was quite exciting. I had like 6 or 7 nurses (I lost count) and they all knew I was the crazy heart rate girl and they didn't question it just went w/ it. It was funny. Such a weird thing! Mom and Dad told me Andy's was super high in the hospital every time they took it too. We must be way to anxious weird people who knows!

So after Lydia checked me and I got my EKG I got an IV. YUCK. It killed and I hated it the whole time it was in. Every time I moved my left arm it KILLED. Literally. I won't say it was as bad as the contractions but it was super duper uncomfortable and I think I would have felt a lot better had it not been in. But I digress, stupid strep B. So I got my antibiotics and went walking!! All 3 of us went to the cafeteria to get something for Meg and Steve to eat. I could have eaten but wasn't hungry at that point. So they ate and we hung out and talked and then Steve went back to the room and me and Meg did some more walking! We walked for like over an hour or 2? I forget. But we walked until it was time for my antibiotic was ready to come out. Thank heavens I didn't have iv fluids or have to be hooked to a pole this time! Soooo freeing and wonderful. So here is where things become fuzzy. I know contractions picked up a little. Oh when we were walking Meg's brother called and asked if she could come home for Christmas lunch. We told her to go ahead, it was going to be awhile since I was only at a 4-5 and if things picked up or changed we would call her and tell her to rush. So she left to go home and shower and see her family for a couple hours. Meanwhile we ordered room service and I had some chicken nuggets, fries and fruit. Oh how glorious to eat during labor and not be starving and have a dry mouth!!! So after we ate we just laid in the quiet. I couldn't sleep but just wanted to rest before things became more intense. After not sleeping at all the last 2 nights I was exhausted and I knew once the baby was here I wouldn't sleep through the night for a very long time! Oh how I wanted sleep but it wouldn't come, I was to anxious and excited to meet my princess!!
So after we rested for about 45 minutes Lydia came in again to check me. I was at a 6 and she asked if I wanted to fully break my water. I said yes.
*Must insert every time she checked me she would sweep more of my membranes. OMG the horror of that. It was horrible and painful and I would cry every time. She would always be doing it and I would have a contraction also. It was awful and sooooooo painful. I think I broke Steve's hand. He had to take his wedding ring off because I was squeezing his hand so hard. Bless him.

So Steve called Meg and told her to come sooner then later because they thought after they broke my water I would go pretty fast. This was at about 2pm. So right after she broke my water the contractions were HORRIBLE. Oh my they were soo intense, like the worst period cramps times 1000. They were less then 2 minutes apart and from start to finish they were lasting 90 seconds. So I really had about a minute to rest in between. We tried to walk the halls some more but it was far too painful. So I ended up getting in the tub. God bless nurse Deb she made is scorching hot just like I like it! They had jets so it did feel good for a little bit. But the contractions were so bad and hard nothing would help at that point.
Not long after I got out of the tub Meg came back. They got me dressed and in the rocking chair. Meg rubbed my head and back and told great stories.

**So I must tell her story she told. I told her when I found out I was prego I wanted her in the room knowing she would calm me down and make me laugh. I was in the worst part of the contractions and in transition so she asked me if I needed some comic relief. Lydia was sitting with us and trying to make me feel better and keep me calm during the contractions which was AHAMAZING. So I told Meg YES I needed something to distract me from the pain. She told me that a couple weeks ago when she and her b/f Andrew moved into their house together they went grocery shopping and did a big shopping trip together. He bought a bottle of shampoo and she yelled at him and asked why he needed ANOTHER bottle when he already had 5 in the shower. He mumbled something about needing it to wash his fruit. She was like "huh" and thought she heard him wrong. So they get home and he starts washing his GRAPES with the shampoo!! Meg freaks out and was like "what are you doing???" I guess his Mom washes fruit with shampoo so he does it too! LOL. It was hilarious me and Lydia are DYING. To funny. I told Meg to buy her own fruit and I need to email her a recipe I found online to make your own fruit wash ;) **

So the time between 2pm and about 4:30pm is one big painful blur. I was in the rocking chair for a LONG time and it was horrible. I think I got checked again at some point and was 8. So they told me to get in the tub and that it would help. I didn't really want to, it's a lot of work to get in and out and dry off and all that but they promised me I would feel better and it would take the edge off. So I did and again Meg and Lydia sat in the bathroom with me. I kept freaking out during the contractions. They were SOOO horrible, way worse then I remember them being with Hailey. The pain in my tailbone was the worst. I will never forget the pain. I was dying and in horrible pain and kept telling Lydia I couldn't do it anymore. I just wanted to be done and go to sleep and not be in pain anymore. I don't care what people tell you, when your in the middle of that kind of pain NOTHING anybody says will make it better. Not even thinking about your baby coming and being there soon. You just want to be done. N O W. It is horrible. I even joked at one point that I wanted drugs. Megan knowing I was NOT going to use anything got huge eyes and said "yes yes give her something!" totally serious. Lydia refused and I was joking and wouldn't have taken anything even if they offered. But trust me I do know and understand why people get an epidural. If I wasn't so against them and heard so many horror stories I would have been all over not feeling that pain.
When I was in the tub and dying Lydia told me if I felt like my body needed to push to do it and see how it felt. I did a couple times but it didn't feel natural and I just wanted relief. So I got out of the tub and dressed again and in the bed. They put the squatting bar on the bed like I asked and they told me to just lean on it and see how I felt and let my body push when I needed to. I think it was about 4:15pm or so by this time. So I just hung out until I had a contraction and then put my arm pits over the bar, and squatted on the bed putting all my weight on my feet. It was WAY different but felt good. It was weird, it was like my body just wanted to have a HUGE poop. Sorry for lack of a better phrase, but that is exactly what it was. It was such a great feeling to just let my body do it when it needed to and for how long it needed to! Nobody counting and making me do things that it didn't feel the need to do! So so so amazing. Again this is why I switched to a midwife instead of an OB sitting there texting on his phone the whole time!
I kept using the squatting bar for awhile, until I was so sore and couldn't use it anymore. Then I was in a weird sitting position on the bed, not laying but not really sitting. It's hard to explain. Nurse Deb had 1 leg and Meg had the other helping me. I was pushing with all my might and it was taking MUCH to long and to many pushes in my opinion. I wanted this baby out NOW! Steve asked if I wanted to tell Meg her name, if that would help but I didn't until she was out and on me. Then I would tell. How mean of me right? Ha. It was the one thing I had control of!
Finally after an hour and a half of pushing I started doing it effectively and her head was crowning. Holy moly. They call it the ring of fire for a reason. Honestly as her head started coming out I just wanted somebody to shove her back up in me and leave her there. I kept thinking that, just push her back in this is too horrible I am going to die! It sounds so weird, Hailey's birth was soooo traumatic and horrible, I think I blocked all the pain from my memory and only remember how horrible everything else was. I guess I couldn't handle remembering everything! This time though, it was amazing and wonderful but the most horrible painful thing I have ever done. Ha. It's such an oximoron but it's the truth. I couldn't have done it w/out Nurse Deb and Lydia, they were AMAZING and made it wonderful but it still sucked and I will never do it again. LOL. Sorry it's hard to explain! Too many emotions I guess.
So all that to say, her head finally came out and I was pretty sure I was never ever going to be able to go to the bathroom again. LOL. The things you think of as your baby is coming out of you, but honestly that is what I thought. It was soooo sharp and severe. I tried with all my might to listen to Deb and Lydia and stopped pushing when they said and only gave little pushes when they said. It was hard as heck but I knew they knew what they were doing/saying and I had to trust them. It was all worth it though, I didn't need stitches this time! Praise Jesus! Such an answer to prayer!!

OK so this is longer then a Harry Potter book I'm pretty sure. I'll leave off here, finish up later, tell her name and stats and post some pictures :)