I can't believe my Girl is 16 months. It's insane. Wasn't she just teeny tiny?? How can she be walking/talking/attitude all over?? Sooo crazy. She is a tiny petite little thing, just barely over 2' and 22 lbs. I get so sick of going out in public and ppl ask how old she is and then get "oh she is TINY she looks 9 months". I never know what to say, do I want an obese fat kid?? No. She is plenty heavy to carry around and I think the littler they are the cuter they are. But what do I know. She eats just fine thankyouverymuch, pretty much 24/7 like her parents, so I know she is healthy and fine. I've not even gotten a lecture about her size from her dr, but I think he knows that neither Hubby or I are 7' tall so there is no point in saying anything, it's her genes.
I was reading a blog from start to finish last week and the girl had a pregnancy almost identical to mine. It brought back all those horrid horrid memories. Could I do that again?? Hubby won't even agree to it at this point. These last 2 years and everything we've been through, I honestly don't know if we could handle that again. I remember those nights when Hay was 4 and 5 days old. Oh. My. Gord. Actually it started in the Hospital (I might repeat myself I don't remember what I have previously posted but this stuff has been stuck in my head lately so I am just getting it out all. Sorry). On our 2nd night in the hospital, I had sent Hubby home w/ an aching back to our bed to sleep. Neither of us can sleep in strange environments so I knew before we were even married if we had kids he wouldn't sleep overnight in the hospital. He wouldn't expect me to either, it's all good. Anyways, little miss thing had some MAJOR sensory issues from being 2 weeks early. Her pedi explained it to me while we were still in the hospital that sometimes babies that are born before 40 weeks gestation don't have their nerves systems fully devolped yet. So she would get WAY over stimulated and scream for hours on end and NOTHING we could do at all would calm her. So back to the 2nd night, we had loads of visitors that day in the hospital and once night and dark rolled around she freaked. I nursed her (both sides, like 20 min each, with 0 milk in yet. Yeah my kid likes to eat), and put her in the plastic thing that was her bed and got comfty and the screaming started. She scremed STRAIGHT from like 1am to 4:30 am. Mind you our room was like 2 steps from the nurses station and I know that all of West Omaha could hear this girl's scream. But God bless the nureses left us alone for this new Mom to figure it out on her own. I nursed and tried to get her to latch for literally hours. I bet I tried over 20 times to nurse to get her to calm down. I cried. I walked, I swayed, I swaddled, changed her, EVERYTHING humanly possible. (we didn't try or give her a binkie until she was over 2 weeks, she had a poor suck and I didn't want to mess up anything. But out of pure desperation I finally gave in and she loved the thing) Finally I buzzed the nurses and while 99 times out of 100 instead of just coming in when I buzzed they would ask what I needed/wanted, this time within 3 seconds she was in the room. She told me to take my ugly gown off, get Hailey naked to her diaper and put her head on my heart and push so hard on her you would think she can't breathe. (of course she could) Wala she stopped almost immediately. It was weird. But it made her warm and reminded her of the womb. We slept like that, for 2 hours. It was the worst.night.of.my.life. But not the last I'm sad to say. Then in the morning I get the phone call from my husband he laid on the floor to watch tv that night and was unable to get up. At ALL. Even to pee. Seriously folks. He somehow got himself to the chiro twice that day, but it almost killed him. He couldn't come and spend the day at the hospital w/ his newborn Baby and exhausted wife who got like 1 hour of sleep. Yeah not good. Thank GOD for my Mom would basically came and sat in the hospital all day w/ me. So instead of my wonderful Hubby coming to pick us up and take us home, my MIL did. Yeah NOT good. I felt (and a part of me still does) robbed. It's such a great expierance that the Hubby carries the Baby in and we all bond and have a great day feeding and changing the Baby and I didn't get any of that. Instead I came home to a hurricane of a house, a Hubby who couldn't move or do anything for himself and a child who screamed 24/7. I was a mess. I wasn't able to articulate at the time and it took me many many months to figure out what was going on in my head but I got super duper depressed and freaked out. I go to the hospital (almost 3 weeks early mind you, totally unprepared) and have a Baby. Life alterting to say the least. Come home to a Hubby who can't move or walk w/out holding on to the computer chair, kinda scooting around the house like a 97 year old man. Life alterting. And they basically both happened on the same day. It was FAR to overwhelming for my brian, emotions, self to handle. I thought this was how life was going to be. I was gonna be on the couch in sweats with a screaming kid and a hubby who needs me to wait on him hand an foot 24/7. It was just to much. I still can't explain it totally but my mind was just not in the right mind set. It was B A D. I was so afraid of everything. I remember thinking that if I swaddled Hailey in a blanket with a tag (which brings me to ask why can clothes be tagless but blankets have them?? Stupid) and if the tag ended up by her face she would surely suck the tag in her mouth and die. Or she would spit up a lot after a feeding and choke on it and I would have to pick her up to help her get it up/down/out. It was sooooo scary. Instead of sleeping in while Hailey slept I would have to wake up at 7:30 to make Steve his breakfast. It was just a bad dark time. And sleeping. Oh precious sleep. That girl would scream and cry like no other. I remember looking at the alarm clock all night. She would wake at 1:30, feed for 40 minutes. "OK if she goes to sleep right now we still get 1 hour and 20 minutes of sleep" (she was feeding every 90 minutes. Yes that sucks folks) But instead she would scream and I would say "OK 1 hour 10 minutes of sleep...........55 minutes of sleep.................40 minutes of sleep........" and finally I would just nurse her again and start all over. I was at a loss. We asked the Dr what to do b/c she had her days and nights somewhat confused, she never screamed like that during the day. She would sleep and nurse fine during the day but come 10pm it was full screaming until 2 or 3 am sometimes. I mean straight ppl. So he told us to wake her up every hour and a half during the day to eat and hopefully she would sleep 3-4 hour stretches at night. Yeah notsomuch. She liked that pattern so much she did it at night to! oh joy. I say all this but honestly I was so blessed, it got better by about 3 weeks, and by 7 weeks she was sleeping 6-7 hour stretches. I know some people with 12 month olds who don't sleep that long. We finally asked the nurse at the pedi office and she said to use a white noise machine and see if that helps. She still has it in her room if that tells you anything. And we found she loved the bathtub running, so I did that a lot to. And honestly what worked was letting her sleep on her tubby and swaddling her. I don't want to hear about not letting her sleep on her tummy cuz I did it, and my Mom did it, and Hailey did it and we're all still here so there. Ha. Honestly I would do it with my next Baby if it's what he/she liked.
All of that to say it gave me a complex. I thought I had a demon child. Everywhere I went and everybody that asked heard about how horrible and high maintenance she was. I feel bad, and she was NOT what I was expecting at all but I think I kinda went over board. Again w/ the depression I guess. But I moved on and finally got out of it. I finally got to be normal again in August (last year) when we went to Michigan to visit family. It was so great. I loved meeting some of my bff's in real life and having girl chat everyday for a week was SO great! Also my Baby was sleeping through the night for 9+ hours and taking a 4 hour nap in the morning. Yeah my girl LOVES to eat and sleep just like both her parents. lol. Then in the fall my best friend came over once a week to watch a show together and it was sooooooo amazing. I missed my girlfriends. Probably 9 out of 13 of them do not have kids. They don't relate to me anymore I think. It's like I dropped off the face of the planet. But it was hard to get out of the house being stuck on the 90 minute feeding schedule. It sucked. I am so glad we are past that stage and I can just throw my girl in the car and run errands or drive around or go to the zoo/mall/target whatever! She is so fun now and LOVES to be w/ her Momma an be social.
Another thing I MUST note that nobody tells you about postpartum is the things your body does. We got home from the hospital on Saturday and Sunday night I was living off about 8 hours of sleep over 4 days, my body started to shake uncontrollably. I was wearing sweat pants, tank top, sweat shirt, socks, slippers, and had a blanket on and I just shook and shook. It was soooooooo scary. Steve took Hailey for 2 hours (in between feedings) and made me lay in bed and try to sleep. I remember I had the phone in my hand and had punched in the number for the nurses station at the hopsital, but didn't turn on the phone yet to dial it. I just laid there thinking I was going to die. It was SO scary, like I was in some kind of shock. I'm guessing I was. Blood loss, screaming baby, exhaustion, broken Husband, no real meal, everything just over took me. It finally stopped after a couple hours but I was so scared I was going to have to be re-admitted to the hospital. Phew!
Oh and did I mention my Baby had jaundice?? Yeah she was surely going to die. I was so freaked out. That is another reason I started on the 90 minute feeding schedule. All I did was sit in the sun by the sliding glass doors with her naked and feed. All. Day. Long. I was so worried she would have to go in the hospital for it and then who would take care of my broken Hubby?? I couldn't leave my Baby there alone! Once the Pedi told me the lights and a care nurse would come to our house I totally relaxed about that. And her jaundice was gone after like 3 days.
So yeah that is my horrible new born days. I was scared to talk about them and pushed them to the back of my mind. But now that I want to have another Baby I need to remember these things. Could I do it again? I'm sure. You never have the same exact experience twice. But still. It was bad. And throw a toddler into the mix?? Um yea not sure.
Anyways, now my girl is sweet (for the most part. unless cutting teeth), and fun and loves to be going going going 24/7. She can say, Momma, Dada, doggie, kitty, shoes, up, hello, hi, byebye, and bath (ahbah). We really pushed the sign language when she was younger though so her speech hasn't taken off. She can sign, eat, more, drink, please, and all done in addition to waving hi and bye. Don't get me wrong the girl talks 24/7 but I swear it's a mixture of french, german, italian, and some made up language of hers. It's hilarious and honestly she never stops. I told Steve I kinda hope she never learns to really talk b/c it's so flippin cute I love it! And I'm not ready for her attitude and talking back ;) At her 15 month appointment the Dr freaked out when I told him she wasn't speaking words and had even stopped saying Momma, Dada, Bybye. He told me we HAVE to do speech therapy asap and figure out what is wrong w/ her :*( NOT what a Momma wants to hear. So I stress, pray, google, read, and finally got a hold of the speech therapist from our school district. She said they don't even do any testing until 18 mo and not to worry and she hoped she never talked to me again! I sighed a big sigh of relief and wouldn't you know it 2 days later she said Momma clear as day! She has since added all those other words in, sometimes they aren't noticeable and I might be pushing it, but I think she is just stubborn and does things slowly and on her own time. She didn't get a tooth until 10 months, crawl until 8 1/2 months, or walk until almost 14 months. She is just a little behind and I'm in no rush to make her talk. She can hear perfectly well so I know that isn't the issue either.
OK I've gone on and on and on so I'll stop here. But I will seriously try to be back either tomorrow or Monday w/ my other 2 posts! Maybe I will get into a better rhythm of posting, I really want to keep this up as journal-type for Hailey and all her milestones. So far I've failed miserably but her baby book is all up to date! YAY! lol. OK until next time peeps...............
Beck
