Momma said there'd be days like this..........

I love how people think Stay-At-Home-Moms must be bored, do nothing, watch tv and eat all day! (OK so yesterday was one of those days where I sat and did a lot of "nothing", but that is neither here or there........) I  was one of those people who when I worked full time wondered "what the heck will I do all day when I am home with kids?" I mean you can only fill your time with laundry, cleaning bathrooms, cooking dinner, etc right?? HA!

Today me and the Girls had to go to Target to get a list of things. I should  have gone to the ol Wally World but let's face it, I can only go there so many times before wanting to stab my own eyes out. So Target it was! We get there and are walking in and Hailey decides to STOP in the middle of the parking lot for no reason. So of course I step on her foot, which apparently broke every.single.toe. causing her to cry and scream. We finally get in the store where I can put Ellie in the cart and inspect Hailey and cuddle her like a baby until she will shush enough so people don't think I put her in a torture chamber. Oy the child and her dramatics. I don't have any idea where she gets it people!
So then of COURSE Hailey HAS to use the potty b/c she couldn't use it at home, so we go in the huge family size one (THANK YOU TARGET!) where I can push the entire cart in the restroom. Hailey sits on the potty and somehow manages to pee all over her undies AND her pants. So of course this uber prepared Momma would have a change of clothes and panties for her somewhat-newly-potty-trained-3-year-old right? ERRR wrong-o! Great. Luckily I did have a pull-up which surprisingly she agreed to wear so at least she didn't have to go commando, or even worse make me buy MORE underwear when we already have 23930128329 pair at home. While I am cleaning Hailey up (who also agreed to wear slightly wet leggins, let's forget the fact that Momma lied and said they were dry please. She usually won't wear a shirt if it has 1 drop of water on it from lunch. Yes I gave candy in the car for good behavior) Ellie decides to try to jump out of the cart to her death. Really child?? I look over and she is STANDING up in the cart backwards in the front part. And before you judge me, SHE WAS BUCKLED! I swear my children are Houdini's! What he heck?? I tighten the strap on the poor kid until she can't breathe so she is safe and get Hailey dressed so we can start our shopping trip! The rest of the time in the store was pretty uneventful, unless you consider me having a momentary laps in judgement and gave Jelly the teeniest tiniest bite of Halloween cookie they were sampling in the bakery, and she decided to cover her entire self with sprinkles (which I'm pretty sure her cookie was sans sprinkles. Where did she get them?) and the .1% of frosting. Seriously it was a HUGE mess. But I pretty much got her cleaned up. And let's be real here folks, she is the 2nd child. She is never clean or in matching clothes. Poor kid.
Then when we check out Hailey decides to scrap her leg on a box of something I was buying in the cart and proceed to scream again like I broke her toes all over again. Oh lawd get me out of here! I couldn't help but laugh as I was finally walking out of the store. Yes it's SOOO boring to be a SHAM...........good thing God made my babies so cute or I would go crazy! Oh heck I already am crazy! 

Life Lessons Learned

You can read the 1st and 2nd installments.

Ohmigord I am going to me a Mom. A Mother. I have to know EVERYTHING. I have to be able to DO everything. This is all I have EVER wanted for my life. Since I was a little girl and played with cabbage patch dolls (for a little to long :ahem: but we'll just skip over that part). But now that the reality is here I don't know what to do. I don't know how much fabric to buy to make a blanket, I don't know all the cooking stuff you need to know in the kitchen, I still don't know exactly how to make Mom's special home made pie crust, I'm no good at hanging things on the wall, or if your car is making a certain noise what is wrong with it. These are all things my Mom is amazing at. She HAS to teach me everything before Hailey starts asking me for help with things!

All that to say I have experienced quite a bit over the years from various babysitting/Nanning jobs. I simply ADORE children. Always have.
I had this one family, we'll just call them the L's. They had 3 kids (all whose names started w/ a K which I find terribly annoying because it would take me all 3 frickin names to get to the one kid I actually needed to yell at........so annoying). These kids were ADORABLE. Gorgeous. But they were brats. Spoiled rotten. I am not a push over, if I say something I stick with it. If I threaten something I go through with it. These kids hated me for this. They were NOT good. But the Mom was my Mom's friend so she used to just call my Mom and have her set up babysitting. It was annoying. Anyways, the couple horrible times at their house that stand out in my mind were one night I went over there around 6ish right after dinner. The Mom proceeds to tell me that the oldest K missed 2 days of school that week w/ a stomach virus and had been puking/pooping all over the house. Oh joy. She thinks he gave it to the youngest who was now pooping everywhere but had yet to puke. So THAT makes it OK to leave your kids home sick w/ a poor 15 year old girl??
First I also must interject that I do NOT deal well with puke. I am a symphony "puker". I don't usually puke but I will gag and dry heave very very bad if I see, smell, or hear somebody throwing up. It's BAD. I can not handle it. Poop I hate but I can deal w/ w/out getting sick. Puking not so much. Me and Steve made a pact that when our kids are sick I will deal w/ all the #2's and he gets all the pukes. Baby pukes are fine but grown up throw up is another thing. OK now that we have that said.........
The little girl K was only about 2 1/2 at the time and didn't understand when she was about to get sick or anything so she proceeded to have about 3 "episodes" of poo in her clothes and all over the floor in about an hour. I felt horrible for her. I kept just putting her in the tub and washing her down, then going and scrubbing the floor. It was horrible. But no puke yet so I dealt with it and didn't call the parents home. Then the middle boy K decided his tummy hurt really bad and that he needed milk. I told him NO he was only allowed to have water. I knew from my Mom (who knows everything of course) if your tummy hurts to only have water. Milk will make you throw up if your tummy is upset. So he went and got himself a glass of milk while I was cleaning up a poo episode and guzzled the thing thinking it would help his tummy. Guess who puked ALL over the floor 2 seconds later? That is when I lost it. I called confrence the parents were at and got some front desk/security guy who could care less that this 15 year old girl was hysterical and crying in the phone. Ah the days before cell phones right?? haha. He refused to go in the room and find the parents and get them for me. I begged and pleaded and didn't know what to do. I called my Mom who lived about 3 blocks away and asked her to come help. She didn't come over (which I didn't care about I just needed SOMETHING) but she promised to call the conference and get L and R home to their sick children. About 3 minutes later L calls and asks what happened. "UM your kids are puking and pooping all over and NEED thier MOTHER". So she sighs and says she GUESSES they will be home. I slammed down the phone only to find Little K puking. Yay. I freaked. I was not going to make it. I had been there for like 2 1/2 hours and had dealt with 5 poops (yea the boys made it to the bathroom but I still had to clean up their clothes), and 2 pukes. OMG it was horrible. FINALLY about 20 minutes later the parents come home and give me $10 and tell me to walk home. OMG I was furious it was like March so it was cold out and it was pitch black dark. I was soooooooooo pissed. I refused to ever babysit for them ever again. Of course I did though. Ha.
Months later the L's were building a house and sold the one they currently lived in (by my parents) early so had to live in an apartment until thier house was done. So they rented a tiny 2 bedroom apt and lived there a couple months. I only had to go over there once thank goodness, I don't recall where the parents were, but it was a gorgeous summer night and the kids wanted to play at the play ground that was in the back part of their building. The older boys were outside and me and little K were inside playing dolls or something girly. I heard some scary ppl yelling in the hall and slamming doors so I decided to lock the front door and go outside with the boys so I knew we were all safe. I took the cordless phone w/ me so I could call my BFF later while they kids were playing. I shut the sliding glass door behind me and went and played w/ the kids. Nobody decided to tell me (or the landlord appairently) that the door was broken and would automatically lock behind you and to always leave the front door open so you could get back in. Yeah would have been nice to know huh? I did not know 1 soul in the building and wasn't about to start knocking on doors asking for help and run into the scary screaming ppl so I called my parents and my Dad came over and saved us. He picked us all up and took us back to my parents house where all the kids fell asleep on the floor watching a Disney Movie. I was able to get a hold of the parents to tell them to pick up the kids from my parents and not go to back to the apt. I was so furious why wouldn't they warn me or give me a key or something?? Seriously those ppl were a couple screws loose.............luckily they moved to Oregon or something a couple years later and I was finally cut off from babysitting for them.

Another one of my favorite stories was when I was a nanny for a family while I was in high school. The Mom taught Kindergarten 1/2 days and all day on Friday so I would be with her 3 kids (who were 3, 2, and a newborn) for 9 hours every Friday. I seriously LOVED it. It was the greatest job ever. If I could have bottled up those kids and kept them small forever I would always watch them and love on them. I seriously loved them to death! They were sooooooo good and sweet for me and it was some of the funnest times of my life going over there. Well, S (the Mom) called me earlier in the week to tell me Baby J was sick and she was staying home but didn't know about Friday yet. Knowing how competent (unlike some ppl) she was I knew she would NEVER leave her sick baby or let me watch a sick baby. Sick babies need thier Momma's and she knew this. So by Friday he was doing MUCH better but still hadn't had a whole bottle of milk yet b/c his little system couldn't handle it. I don't know what was going on that day but I was only needed the 2nd half of the day and he was with his crazy whacko aunt who I couldn't stand that whole morning. Well, over bearing crazy Aunt C thought he looked way to skinny and was hungry and decided to shove a 8 oz bottle of formula down him. I was pissed. I knew S told me not to give him any formula and I told Aunt C this as I saw her feeding him. She handed him to me and told me to finish giving it to him, it had been a couple days since he last puked and he would be fine. I sat there holding him in my arms and talking to him and bam all the sudden the volcano of puke erupted all over me. All down the front of my shirt, in my lap, even in my hair. OMG it was sooooooo disgusting. Luckily the house I nannied at was about 7 down from my parents so I was able to run home really quick and change my clothes. Aunt C had to pick her older kids up from school though so I couldn't wash my hair or take a shower or anything I didn't have time. I had to pull my hair back in a pony tail and have stinky baby formula puke hair all day. Oh my it was lovely. I just felt sooooo bad for the poor baby.

Ah memories!!!

So moral of this blog is: If your Baby is sick do NOT leave it with a babysitter. Stop being selfish and give up your night out or the extra $ you would make working and just STAY HOME!

Life Lessons Learned

So this is the 3rd edition to my little "series" I started. I love remembering crazy stories from my past and writing them out so I can remember more details. Even if nobody reads them, I know I will and will read things I had forgotten and look back to how far I have come. And if you read them and think I'm crazy, then so be it I pretty much am. :) I'm still trying to figure out how I scored such an amazing Husband when I am so far out there................... Anywho on w/ the STORY!So I already documented how me and Steve met, fell in love, got engaged, and then had the most beautiful perfect wedding ever! Now on to the totally exciting thrilling Honeymoon! The morning after the wedding was crazy, finished packing, went to wally world (yes my 1st day as a Mrs and I go to go to walmart how exciting right?), the bank (to deposit all our loot so we could have SOME fun on the Honeymoon and not be broke. Ha), Steve had to take the Dog to the shelter thingy she was staying at, and pack up my car and take off! Crazy. Now for most of you that don't know one of Steve's "retardations" (as I call them, there are MANY) is that he can NOT and will NOT fly. This makes his wanna-be-international-traveler-wife not very happy. No Sandals resort, Hawaii, Jamaica, Mexico, for these Honeymooners instead we went to Estes Park Co. Now after whining and moaning for a couple weeks I got TOTALLY excited and threw myself into planning for this trip. A WHOLE week of just my Love Bunny and I in a cabin in the woods what could be better?? Personally I think planning the Honeymoon is the greatest part of the whole wedding process and I always encourage my friends that are getting married to focus on that A LOT cuz it's the funnest part! Anyways there I go again! So we ended up staying at the greatest resort/cabin place EVER. Check it out Wildwood Inn.

OK so we finally leave for the 500+ mile (or 9 + hour) trip across the long BORING state of Nebraska to Colorado. Everything is going great. I spent a LOT of time staring at my perfectly manicured hands w/ our beautiful shiny silver rings on, totally oblivious to anything BAD happening to us while we are on our way to our Honeymoon right? Who would mess w/ Newlyweds?? Well, we get right past Kearney and my BFF and maid of honor Megan is about 40 minutes behind us going home to Denver. So I am super excited, we're talking on our cell phones and texting about how boring this trip is and what magazines I was reading, etc. All the sudden we start to see a BUNCH of Nebraska Highway Patrol cars. GR. So Steve has NO idea what the speed limit was or is b/c we kept going in and out of construction. So it was either 75 or 60. Yeah big difference. So I think he was going like 72, and we were cruising along trying to be careful. Oh I also must input here that when I travel I do it comfortably. I take pillows, blankets, wear sweat pants, no shoes, whatever I can do to be comfty! I made Steve take off his shoes and relax so he could be comfty to. Did ya'll know it's illegal in Nebraska to NOT wear shoes when driving? Yeah I knew this but we weren't going to get pulled over cuz again we were newlyweds and everybody could tell by looking at us and our stuffed car, not to mess w/ us right??

W R O N G.

Oh the 2nd part I must input here. I drive an '04 Grand Am. For SOME reason Pontiac decided on the front bumper to put these plastic pieces over the bumper that say "Grand AM" engraved in them. I thought since this was there that I physically had no place to put my front license plate. Yes I'm pretty sure Nebraska is the only state left out of 50 that it is the LAW and require you to have a front plate. I've heard rumors and if it's true it makes a lot of sense, we are a cheap state and do not upgrade our radar systems for speeding. The gun has to bounce OFF the license plate to get a reading sent back to the gun. Where as other states have high tech guns that can bounce off any flat surface. Makes sense right? Does to me. I have a couple friends that are sheriffs I really should ask them! So now that you that that non useless information stored away forever, just know that I didn't have a front plate on my car for over a year and a half and NEVER got pulled over b/c I thought I would have to DRILL into my front bumper and I wasn't about to do that! So yes I was illegal and I knew it was only a matter of time before I got pulled over I just never expected it on the way to my Honeymoon...........So yeah we're driving down the road and I am being loud and dorky on the phone w/ Megan and all the sudden we see a Patrol Man on the other side of the road turn around in the ditch and come after us w/ his lights on. Ugh my stomach dropped. Luckily we were both wearing our seat belts, but Steve had no shoes on. So he bends down and is messing around trying to put them on. This looks great to a cop right?? Then right as we were about to pull over there is an on ramp. Steve did exactly what I did and went PAST the on ramp (so we wouldn't get hit if somebody was coming on the interstate right?), and then pulled over. Oh and as soon as he saw the cop he slammed on his breaks to slow down to 60 b/c again we didn't know the speed limit. So yeah you have, speeding ( or slamming on the breaks and slowing way down which looks fishy), not pulling over, and what appears to be shoving something most likely illegal under the drivers seat.
Great we are screwed. I start crying. lol. Seriously I did I was shaking and crying. So the cop comes up to Steve's window and asks how we are, blah blah like he cared! He asked where we were from and where we were going. When he heard we were on our Honeymoon and just got married YESTERDAY I could tell he softened a bit. He probably also saw the 5 bags of groceries and cooler we had in the backseat and believed us a little more, or maybe it was the hysterical wife wearing a pretty shiny silver ring??? For SOME reason he made Steve get out of the car and go sit in the patrol car. Oh my that is when this wifey lost it. I was almost hysterical. I didn't know if I should have Megan stop and get me, call my parents, what to do! So he came over to my side of the car and got my license and was asking me if we got married, and somehow I told him my maid of honor was right behind us driving back to Denver (not sure why it mattered but he seemed very interested. Weird), and trying not to go completely hysterical. The cop knows it's my car b/c the registry was in my name. He told me he pulled us over for no front plate and asked me why I didn't have one. I told him I would have one but there was no holes for it and I didn't want to drill into my car. He said he understood but for me to go to a Dealership when we got back to Omaha and have them install one. Great a bunch of $ for nothing. I was so mad! He then goes back to the drivers side and opens the door and said he was "checking out the vin". Um dummy I might be a girl but I'm not blonde and I KNOW the vin is NO where on the door it's only on the windshield. Yes if your smart enough like I was you know he was looking for drugs/gun/body/whatever we had "stashed" under the front seat. Of course it was empty and he saw nothing so he went back to his car to scare Steve a lil more and let us go w/ only a warning. Now mind you while I am having a panic attack in the front seat of my car, Steve is in the patrol car freaking out and having a blast over all the buttons/screens/guns/gadgets in the car. He even made sure to mention to the cop how cool it was and how much stuff was in there. Seriously? Really?? OMG. I could have killed him! This cop seriously had to think we were absolutely nutty. I guess the cop yelled at Steve for not pulling over right away (he thought we were running and not going to pull over at all. Yeah at a whole 45 mph or whatever we were going by then), and gave him a warning for no front plate that I had 30 days to get installed and signed off by a Omaha cop and sent in and then we were clear to go.Oh my I was a mess! The rest of the drive was boring and luckily un-eventful. Colorado was gorgeous and I loved every minute of staying in our cabin, cooking, watching DVD's, going on horseback rides for the first (and probably last sorry Honey) time, shopping, and a very romantic horse drawn carriage ride. It was amazing!!! I was doubly scared we would get pulled over AGAIN on the way back to Omaha but we didn't. Few. As soon as we got back and settled in Omaha I went to the auto parts store to see what they could do, and the nicest man just popped that stupid front plate thing off that said "Grand Am" on it and behind it there were holes and the mounting part for the plate! I only had to spend $2 for some screws and go home and screw the plate in. Viola. All better! I then went to the Sherriff's office and had a very nice man "inspect" (he stood at the front door and saw the only car in the parking lot that clearly had a plate on the front lol) my car, sign off, and mail in the ticket for me. Whoopie! So it wasn't that bad and it only cost me $2 plus a minor heart attack but it could have been a lot worse! Wanna know what's even weirder and more absurd?? I have to license my plates every September, we got married Sept 23rd and left for our Honeymoon the 24th. I licensed my car the week before we left and THREW away the "extra" sticker for what would have been my front plate. I still had the plate sitting in the garage but I didn't bother sticking the sticker on an un-used plate. So I threw it away in our huge nasty trash can in the garage. I was so mad b/c with all the wedding plans my Hubby forgot to put the trash out the previous Thursday. Well, if he had he would have thrown away the precious sticker and I would have had to pay a $15 fee for a replacement sticker! Was God looking out for me or what?? So so crazy!
Here are some pictures from our Honeymoon also, just to prove to you that we did had a blast despite a nasty cop trying to ruin our fun! GRRRRRRRRRRR cop! :)

Driving there. See how happy and cute we are. Who would mess w/ us?? Haha

God love him

On our private patio grillin some dinner for us :) He didn't know I was taking the picture, man is he muggin me or what! LOL

Love this picture. Us about to do the batting cages at this really awesome go-cart/mini-golf type place. It was so fun!

Life Lessons Learned

OK so this is the first installment of my various weird and quirky stories of experiences and things that have happened to me in my life. I swear these are all true stories, just names have been changed so I don't get in trouble for talking about ppl and such. Haha. They are mainly for my own memory and safe keeping and please remember if you’re easily offended or are going to argue w/ anything I have to say in this post then keep on steppin. I'm not here to be PC and hold people's hand; I'm also not giving any opinions or real thoughts on the subject I am simply telling a TRUE story of an experience that happened to me and some of my feelings while in the situation.

My Mom used to be very close w/ a lady we'll call Lisa*. Well, Lisa had befriended a new family in town the Brown's who moved here from Wisconsin or Minnesota or something. They were also a home schooling family like my own so my Mom thought it would be nice if I would help the Mom out and baby-sit for her kids every once in awhile so she could get out and run errands w/out her energetic 3 boys.
Now don't get me wrong I love all kids. But these boys were BOY boys. They wanted to play baseball (I was to be the pitcher. Seriously??), basketball, wrestle, run, scream, get dirty just be crazy. Plus I dunno their lifestyle was just so vastly different then mine. They only ate organic and vegetarian. Which was fine except I about gnawed my arm off every time I went there cuz all they ate were black beans and soy tofu stuff. WAY different then cheetos and fruit snacks I was used to at all the other houses I would baby-sit at. (or my own house for that matter!) Making food for them was a chore cuz I didn't know how to properly use the food all together. It sounds dumb but honestly I didn't know what any of it was. It was weird. They also didn't have a tv at all. So we weren’t allowed to watch movies or anything. Which is fine, I don't like just sticking kids in front of a tv to be entertained the whole time. But these boys wore me out and I needed to at least pop in a Veggie Tales or something for 30 minutes so I could rest! They had a computer but the parents claimed they would LOCK their bedroom door where the computer was b/c they didn't want the boys to play on it while I was there. Always seemed a little funny to me but logical. I also discovered from their house that I am allergic to Dog Hair. It wasn't that thier house was messy or gross it was a gorgeous clean house but they had a super sweet Golden Retriever that shed everywhere and my eyes would kill and get purple and red, my nose would run, and I would be in horrible pain. So you can see from all this it WASN'T my favorite place to baby-sit and I wasn't very comfortable in the house but I did it for Lisa and my Mom and tried to be nice. Plus I mean hey they paid me well!
The Dad was a child psychologist at one of our local medical universities, so they were pretty well off. Like I said they had a HUGE gorgeous house in a very nice part of town. The Mom didn't work and got to stay home and raise the boys.
OK here is where I get a little judgmental and maybe you'll even think I'm mean but it plays a big part into the story. You'll see..........
The Dad was DIFFERENT. Scary. I'm sorry but he freaked me out. He was super tall like over 6 ft, he was balding and the whitest white man I have EVER seen in my life. He was almost albino in my opinion. He was quiet but would try to make conversation with me and I was NEVER comfortable with him. They lived less then 15 minutes from my parent’s house and whenever he would drive me home I would squish myself up against the door because I didn't feel safe with him. I just got that feeling that women get when they are afraid of a man. Does anybody know what I am saying?? I dunno I hate to say it but honestly what would run through my head was that he was going to touch me or do something and I would have to get away from him quickly. Seriously that is just the vibes I got and I have never felt like that in front of somebody ever.
So I went for a couple months w/out hearing from Mrs Brown and was starting to wonder what was up. I was actually with Lisa after babysitting for her boys and was asking her about Mrs Brown and what they were up to. Lisa asked me if I had heard anything and I was like no. She was really hesitant to tell me and I could tell she didn't want to but I finally got it out of her. It turns out Mr Brown has some MAJOR identity issues. He had decided when he was in 3rd grade that God "messed up" and made him a man instead of a woman. He met Mrs Brown and she knew about his feelings towards this and decided she was going to change him and have a family and he would be a strong man of God. Obviously as most of us could have told her that didn't work. But she was blinded and thought everything was fine. Everything was not fine. He had all his dress up clothes and make up and things in their bedroom, hence why it was locked they didn't want anybody to find anything.
One time when I went over there I thought it was odd because he had fallen down the stairs in their house (which were quite steep and there was a LOT of them) and broken his leg. It's odd to hear about men breaking their legs but I was 15 and naive and didn't think anything of it. Turns out he had been taking progesterone and hormone pills and his bones weakened and he broke his leg. Crazy. He also decided at some point to put on all his woman clothes, wig, and make up and sit his boys down and tell them God made a mistake and he was supposed to be a woman and was now going to live his life full time as a woman. So so so sad for those boys. They need a good strong man of God in their lives to help shape them and raise them and they lost that. Mr Brown also decided to fulfill his life long dream and move to California to have a S^* change operation and live full time as a woman and changed his name to a female name. (and ya'll whenever I hear a woman w/ his new woman name it makes me cringe I feel bad for all women that have the name he picked) Mrs Brown divorced him, sold their house, and moved back to Wis./Minn. or where ever they had moved from and back w/ her family. I never got to see them again and I think and pray for her and her sweet boys all the time. It was really horrible and it's so sad how Satan can drive people to live like that. I am glad he is not working w/ Children anymore and that his boys will know only know their Grandpa and Uncles and Cousins as the good men they should be.
Also another moral of the story: trust your gut. I never trusted him and I thought he was creepy and for good reason. I always know to go w/ my gut now and that it will tell me what to do and who to trust.
I had those same exact feelings about another Dad I baby-sat for, there was just something off about him and I wasn't comfortable with him so I made sure I was never alone in the room with him. (luckily they lived up the street from my parents so I walked and never had to be in a car with him) Turns out he beat his wife, badly and it was a very bad situation!
I fully believe God was giving me a sign and telling me to stay away from him! Scary! Lisa was very glad to hear I had those feelings and knew not to talk to him or trust him at all I could have put myself in a scary situation although I don't think he was dangerous at all just a little messed up in the head!

*All names in this blog have been changed to protect the people in these situations